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  • Issue 16: Home and Away

    INTRO: The best way to enjoy a summer in New York City is to leave as often as possible. The second best way is drinking at KGB.

    In Ross Barkan’s “Tad,” our protagonist wanders the United States, trying to escape himself, drawn along by the receding tide of the American century. Jesse Salvo’s pathetic David hopes to transfer to the Indian state of Goa so he can be closer to the casually cruel boss he has fallen in love with. And both Sophie Madeline Dess and Madeline McFarland take us on a trip to Madrid.

    Who are we when we’re away from home? these writers ask. If travel changes us, do the changes stick?

    Our poets, on the other hand, don’t want to stray too far from the nest.

    Ari Lisner’s “Summer,” Mormei Zanke’s “Eating a Sandwich in Tompkins Square” and Matt Proctor’s “Scenes From A Life” are all about city life, though you might not recognize the subject from one poem to the next. Lisner is romantic; Zanke is reflective; Proctor is positively chaotic. Even Aristilde Kirby’s “²d – Baetylus [Side A, Scoubidou Suite],” as much a wormhole as it is a poem, spits the reader out on DeKalb Ave. Sooraz Bylipudi’s “The Errand for Infinite Saturday” is about finding belonging within oneself, while in his poem “The Big E 2023,” Anthony Haden-Guest wonders about the future of the planet Earth, the home that we all share.

    – Carrigan Lewis Miller, July 19th, 2023


    Fiction:

    Tad – by Ross Barkin, journalist, author and contributor to the New York Times Magazine

    Goals for Growth – by Sophie Madeline Dess, writer and critic living in New York City

    In Session – by Madeline McFarland, writer and a professor of creative writing at New York University

    Honest Broker – by Jesse Salvo, writer and editor living in Santiago de Compostela, Spain

     

    Poetry:

    The Errand for Infinite Saturday – by Sooraz Bylipudi, poet and biotechnologist

    Rimes – by Anthony Haden-Guest, renowned poet, journalist, critic and cartoonist

    ²d – Baetylus [Side A, Scoubidou Suite] – by Aristilde Kirby, poet from the Bronx, NYC

    Summer – by Ari Lisner, poet, journalist and researcher

    Scenes From A Life – by Matt Proctor, poet and musician

    Eating a Sandwich in Tompkins Square – by Mormei Zanke, poet and journalist from Alberta, Canada
     

  • Goals for Growth

    Benji’s Goals For Growth – Poker Elementary – Mrs. Applebottom’s Class

    Mrs. Applebottom says that Timmy and Tommy and I need to write out longhand our Goals for Growth. She says we’ve been giving her grief and there’s been lots of misbehavior and we need to cut it out and tell her how we’re gonna go about growing the heck up. And you know that’s everyone’s greatest concern for me. Everyone’s so whispery about it – oh, he’s growing, he’s growing up so fast. But let me assure you, Mrs. Applebottom, I am not. I am not growing. I can tell you my goals, easy, because by the end of my life I will have stayed pretty much exactly the same.

    Right now at age nine I’m dating Bunny, she’s a seven. By the time I’m fifteen I’m gonna be dating a massive ten, and I’m gonna be saying extremely powerful things in conversation. They’re going to be amazing things that will stunt you. At a party I will talk with such power and clarity that everyone’s gonna be like “That’s what I’m talking about when I’m talking about talking about things!” I will be charming and admired with chic, niche interests. I will find out what Social Grace is. That it’s when you look at someone and you make them think: I am unforgettable. I will make everyone feel this way. Really it is I who will not be forgotten. And because I will not be forgotten, I owe it to the people who will never forget me to never change! If you’re starting to see what I’m saying.

    I know, of course, that all this current baby-boy horsing around with Timmy and Tommy will have to come to an end. But I know that they’ll stay with me as my buddies. And that in my mid-twenties they will come with me on this long trip to Spain because we’re gonna deserve it. We’re gonna leave our girlfriends – nines and tens – at home. And one night in Madrid I’m gonna get drunk at a disco. I’m gonna be dancing. I’m gonna be lifting my hands over my head and moving. And I’m going to see this beautiful Spanish man, he’s going to be moving in kind of the same way as me. With his hands over his head, and his neck kind of tilted back, and he’s going to look like he wants to dance with me. So I’m going to say… why not? And I’m going to move closer to him, and he’s gonna move closer to me, and I’m gonna keep thinking I guess I’m gonna do this. I guess I’m gonna dance with this man. This is life. He’s alive and I’m alive. My life can change now. And then, at the last moment, I’m gonna realize it’s a mirror, and I was only dancing toward myself. And so I’ll stop. I’ll laugh so hard I’ll fall down. It’ll all be so funny. I’ll fall down and Timmy and Tommy will come and lift me off the floor. We’ll all be laughing. But I’ll be irritable. Because I’ll feel I missed out on the man.

    But it won’t change me, and I’ll marry soon after that.

    GOD this marriage! Mrs. Applebottom, I’m gonna fall in love so good. Like how I did it at recess with Bunny. My future wife and I are going to be sitting in a field and the sun will be setting and I’ll be saying, don’t worry, all I see is your face, closing in on me. Then I’m gonna be fifty and by then my wife’s gonna be a smoker and she’s gonna be extremely absent and prestigious. I’ll be in the kitchen and she’s gonna be sitting out in the car, smoking, ashing out the window, really curly rusty hair, which quivers around her head with that proverbial mind of its own, which I much prefer to her mind, because of course by then I’m going to hate her as a reflection of my relationship with myself. And one day, nine years into our marriage, I’m going to come home and she’s going to ask me for a divorce.

    And I’m gonna say: “Why?”

    And she’s gonna say: “You just… you take me too seriously.”

    And I’m gonna say: “Well, how else should I be taking you?”

    And she’s gonna be like: “BY THE HIPS, Benji, BY THE FUCKING HIPS! Life’s too short. Just fucking fuck me hard or some shit. You bitch. Just make me quiver just like slam me or whatever.”

    Silence, then, will reign.

    I’m gonna look at my wife. I’m gonna sense how much she loved calling me a bitch. How she probably rehearsed it in her head. How all day she paced around our closet in her beautiful bare feet and thought: Tonight I’m gonna call him a bitch, I’m gonna say it out loud. I’m gonna do it.

    With her grand performance in mind, with her request for brutality, her clarion call for conquest, I’ll at last lay her down, and fuck her very, very softly. Gentle enough to kill. Slowly, softly, like we’re fucking nothing. As I thicken up inside her I will feel her drain away from me. All of her, gone. The last of not only her good will, but all of it.

    When I finish I will hold her by the hips and lick my spill off of her. In retrospect it will embarrass me that I’ve done this, but in the moment I’m going to hope it scratches some inner itch for feeling. As I taste the sticky I’ll think back to Bunny and how I love what they like to call her nervous ‘accidents.’ I’ll think back to the dancefloor, too, to the man I missed out on, who was only ever myself, anyway.

    But these thoughts will not change me. They will not even bat my eye.

    Which is what I’m trying to say to you, Mrs. Applebottom! Yes, I’m turning ten. Yes I’m aging. But no, no goals for growth, I don’t need them, do you see? I’m here already!

  • Three Poems – Jason Irwin

    Three Poems – Jason Irwin

    Poem for Gerry or, the Poet Goes Walking in His Backyard 

    The Jays & Wrens sing his legend.     

    The furry creatures call him saint, moonstruck 

    uncle. He Who Dresses like a Windy Day, 

    while the gnomes cast eyes of caution 

    whenever he moves through the tall grass, 

    murmuring his strange benedictions,  

    his elegies to ribwort & tree bark. 

    Each night they watch as he recedes  

    like the sun, behind the doors of his domicile. 

    Each morning they gather like soporific pilgrims  

    waiting for him to come forth. 

    Early Morning in the Old Town 

                         for August Kleinzahler 

     The 5am west-bound CSX rattles the loose-fitting panes.   

    The cries and giggles of three Puerto Rican girls   

    walking to school echo between apartment buildings   

    & Chestnut trees. On the corner of 6th & Main   

    Mr. Nasca croons All of me, why not take all of me,   

    as he sweeps the sidewalk in front of the convenience store   

    he’s owned since time began. The entire town — derelict & crumbling,   

    yawns beneath a smoke-gray sky, while the aroma  

    a fresh-brewed coffee wakes me & I rub my eyes  

    to find my mother, still in her nightgown, standing on the balcony,  

    staring out into the distance, as a shard of sunlight  

                                                               rests on the swollen knuckles  

    of her left hand like an injured bird.  

                 I’ve become a stranger here, just another vaguely familiar forehead  

    passing through, trying to recapture some lost part of himself –  

    an expression, or feeling trapped between tibula & funny bone, breath 

    on glass. Something I can call my own. 

    Sometimes We Wake Transformed  

    In the ancient courts, generations of Henrys  

    proclaimed: “We are the center of the universe.”  

    Yet the moon people have moved among us  

    since Noah’s time. Experts in camouflage,  

    their lunar citadels look like nothing more  

    than sky. And the sun,  

                          the sun is just a love-starved girl,  

    dancing among the clover and dandelion fields.  

                         Sometimes we wake transformed 

    into driftwood washed ashore. We wait for hours,   

    weeks even, for someone to rescue us – 

    a college professor, or old poet like Robert Bly, 

    someone to carry us home & polish us into walking sticks

    or eccentric sculptures to stand alongside 

    dusty tomes on Norse mythology & geometry, mint tins   

    from St Gallen & Tangier.

     

  • What Lies Above, Beneath, and Apart: Hemingway and Hemingway

    Let’s start with a thought experiment.

    Step One: Imagine two huge icebergs, one representing Ernest Hemingway’s writing and the other representing everything else in his life. Imagine that these two icebergs sometimes bump up against each other and sometimes drift apart. Imagine that these icebergs are like the one Hemingway uses to make an analogy with effective writing (especially his): its “dignity of movement . . . is due to only one-eighth of it being above the water” (Death in the Afternoon).

    Step Two: Imagine that you decide to sculpt a new, smaller iceberg by synthesizing core elements of the two huge ones. Imagine that you challenge yourself to make seven-eighths of this sculpture visible above the water even as it has its own dignity of movement. Imagine that you develop what you regard as a viable vision of this iceberg.

    Step Three: Imagine that you undertake the task of converting this vision into a 6-hour documentary about Hemingway’s life and work for PBS. Imagine how you will craft that conversion so that it both remains true to the sculpture in your mind’s eye and appeals to a contemporary PBS audience.

    I’ll pause to give you some time to conduct all three steps of the experiment.

    I start with this thought experiment for three reasons (1) It helps capture the ambitious and daunting task that Ken Burns and Lynn Novick took on in making Hemingway, their three-part documentary that recently aired on PBS (April 5, 6, and 7). (2) The experiment highlights the larger purpose of the documentary, its goal of replacing the myth of Hemingway with a far more accurate and layered view of the life and the writing. The myth constructs him as the epitome of machismo, a man with prodigious appetites and the will and means to satisfy them as well as a man with extraordinary talent who produced an enduring stream of what he liked to call true sentences. Burns and Novick retain the idea of the talent but complicate everything else in ways I’ll discuss below, and, in so doing, they reposition the writing within the life. (3) The experiment invites each of us to think about how we would have constructed the relations between the writing and the life in our own distinctive ways.

    These three reasons, in turn, underlie my reflections here. On the one hand, I want to celebrate Burns and Novick’s execution of their challenging project: in breaking through the myth, they construct a much more complex and interesting Hemingway, a strange blend of strengths and weaknesses, virtues and vices, who has had more than the usual allotments of good fortune and bad.   On the other hand, when I took Steps One and Two of the thought experiment, I gave more attention to the writing than Burns and Novick do, and this attention led me to a different vision of the sculpted iceberg than the one that emerges in their documentary. I want to discuss my sense of the writing iceberg not to find fault with the documentary but use it as a spur to move some of what’s submerged there above the water line of the synthetic one.   First, though, a little more on Burns and Novick’s Hemingway.

    In keeping with its myth-busting purposes, the documentary gives considerably more attention to the life than to the writing for two interrelated reasons. First, the myth about the life dominates Hemingway’s legacy in American culture. He is a figure that many people who have never read his writing know something about—and even have opinions about. Changing those views requires a new biography more than new analyses of the writing. Second, the genre of documentary lends itself to a greater focus on the life because it is a fundamentally narrative genre, and because Hemingway’s life is filled with tellable events. Giving pride of place to the writing—or even giving it equal prominence—would be extremely difficult because its narrative raw material would be the single event, repeated multiple times, of the writer sitting down to write. Hard to imagine that even the PBS audience would sit still for much of that.

    In keeping with the goal of humanizing Hemingway, Burns and Novick give the greatest attention to his intense and fraught relationships with his four wives, Hadley Richardson, Pauline Pfeiffer, Martha Gellhorn, and Mary Welsh. Using Geoffrey Ward’s script, voiced by Peter Coyote, to supply the baseline narrative, the filmmakers show the good, the bad, and the ugly in Hemingway’s behavior toward these women. Ward’s script includes testimony from the women themselves and Burns and Novick enlist accomplished actors to voice that testimony: Keri Russell (Hadley), Patricia Clarkson (Pauline); Meryl Streep (Martha); and Mary-Louise Parker (Mary). More generally, Burns and Novick’s skills as visual storytellers lead them to interweave these voices with Hemingway’s (ventriloquized through Jeff Daniels) and with a range of other materials—photographs, newspaper articles, and newsreel footage—that often bring in other events. Although Burns and Novick do not offer substantial new revelations about Hemingway’s life, they call attention to some things that have circulated more widely among scholars than among the general public. Especially noteworthy is their attention to his interest in bending and even blurring standard gender roles and the consequences of that blurring for sexual encounters. Above all Burns and Novick succeed in making visible what lies beneath Hemingway’s behavior throughout his adult life, identifying both distant and proximate causes of it. Among the distant causes are his mother’s increasing disapproval and his own disappointment in his father; his being jilted by his first love, Agnes von Kurowsky, the British nurse he met in Italy, while serving as an ambulance driver during World War I, and whom he thought he was going to marry; his witnessing of combat and his own wounding. The more proximate causes include his willingness to promote an image of himself that eventually he could not live up to; his multiple concussions; his alcoholism (called his “overdrinking” by Mary); and of course the complex personalities and histories of the women he loved. Burns and Novick also make judicious use of interviews with Hemingway’s son Patrick, with Hemingway scholars and biographers, and with the psychiatrist Andrew Farah as they round out their portrait of the artist as a fascinating and flawed, charming and repulsive, young, middle-aged, and aging man.

    Even as they give greater prominence to the life, Burns and Novick make a valiant effort to highlight the writing and to explicate its power. The first image they show is the typescript for the opening of A Farewell to Arms, and they continue to sprinkle images of manuscript pages throughout the documentary, including ones for all the novels, for the nonfiction books, and for multiple short stories (“Up in Michigan, “Indian Camp,” “Hills Like White Elephants,” “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” and more). In addition, they employ the actor Jeff Daniels to read numerous excerpts from the writing, and Daniels does an exemplary job of bringing out the tones and rhythms of Hemingway’s remarkable prose. Furthermore, as Daniels reads, Burns and Novick guide their audiences to engage more deeply with the writing by putting evocative images on the screen, ones that capture moods while opening up rather than closing down interpretations.   To pick just a few telling examples: a dock in the gloaming to illustrate the setting of “Up in Michigan”; an oar pulling through the still water of a lake for the ending of “Indian Camp”; the exterior of stone building with a substantial set of stairs leading to an empty street for A Farewell to Arms and its final sentence (about which more below), “After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain.”

    Having prompted this engagement with the writing, Burns and Novick then rely on the commentary of a wide range of thoughtful, well-informed experts to explain how and why it’s often so powerful (and sometimes not). These experts include Hemingway’s recent biographers, Mary Dearborn and Verna Kale; notable contemporary fiction writers, including Michael Katakis (executor of the Hemingway estate), Tobias Wolff, Edna O’Brien, Tim O’Brien, Mario Vargas Llosa, Paul Hendrickson, and Abraham Verghese; and first-rate literary critics, including Stephen Cushman, Miriam Mandel, Susan Beegel, Marc Dudley, and Amanda Vaill. They even bring in John McCain to discuss his life-long engagement with For Whom the Bell Tolls.

    All these commentators are smart, engaging, and insightful. Wolff, for example, characterizes Hemingway’s effect on the writers who came after him by saying that “he changed all the furniture in the [writers]’ room.” Edna O’Brien frequently pushes back against the common view that Hemingway was a thorough misogynist and goes so far as to suggest that parts of A Farewell to Arms, her choice for his best novel, could have been written by a woman. Other arresting comments include on-target descriptions mingled with praise: Hemingway remade the language (Vaill); he goes beyond previously accepted boundaries (Katakis); he works against the modernist grain of difficulty that characterizes the fiction of James Joyce and William Faulkner (Cushman); he articulates a view of war that no one had ever articulated as clearly and powerfully before (Wolff); he creates a male character in “Hills Like White Elephants” whose subtle but incessant pushing to get his own way women will readily recognize (Mandel). Furthermore, in keeping with the myth-busting purpose of the film, these commentators also discuss what they regard as ethical failures in the man (his seemingly gratuitous meanness to other writers, even those who had advanced his career) and aesthetic ones in the writer such as Across the River and into the Trees.

    Yes, yes, yes, I nod. And then I think back to my thought experiment and what I would want to do to make what lies beneath the writing more visible. If I were to convert my vision of the sculpted iceberg into a documentary film, I might well use the same commentators, especially Wolff, Edna O’Brien, Cushman, and Mandel, but I would ask them to comment more consistently on the interrelations of three aspects of the writing: (a) the material Hemingway works with, (b) his treatment of that material, and (c) how that treatment guides readers’ inferencing about the characters and events in ways that significantly influence readers affective, ethical, and aesthetic responses. I even think such commentary would appeal to the PBS audience. To illustrate what I have in mind, I’ll discuss two texts that figure prominently in the first episode of the documentary (entitled “The Writer”), “Indian Camp,” and A Farewell to Arms.

    In “Indian Camp,” as Geoffrey Ward’s summary efficiently indicates, Nick accompanies his doctor father on an early morning trip to the eponymous camp, where he watches his father perform a successful but extremely painful Caesarean section with a jackknife on an Indian woman who undergoes the procedure without anesthesia. Once the operation is over, Nick and his father discover that the woman’s husband, who has been lying in the bunk above his wife, has slit his throat. That discovery changes the direction and emphasis of the story; rather than being one about birth and new life (and Nick’s father’s horribly insensitive treatment of the Indian woman—he tells Nick that “her screams are not important”), it becomes one about suicide and death. The ending, which Daniels reads with his typical skill, brings the story to an affecting conclusion, as Nick first asks his father questions about suicide and about dying and then retreats into his own thoughts. Here are the story’s last lines:

    “Is dying hard, Daddy?”
    “No, I think it’s pretty easy, Nick. It all depends.”

    They were seated in the boat. Nick in the stern, his father rowing. The sun was coming up over the hills. A bass jumped, making a circle in the water. Nick trailed his hand in the water. It felt warm in the sharp chill of the morning.

    In the early morning on the lake sitting in the stern of the boat with his father rowing, he felt quite sure that he would never die.

    Burns and Novick bring in Wolff and Cushman for commentary. Wolff makes the astute observation that Hemingway is working with sensational material but handles it in an unsensational way. Cushman nicely underlines the paradox of the ending, the juxtaposition of Nick’s knowledge that he’s going to die with his denial of that knowledge. Good stuff, as far as it goes. But let’s go a little further beneath the surface.

    Hemingway makes the sensational unsensational by restricting his audience to Nick’s perspective and, thus, having us take in the events as Nick does and then follow his struggle to process them. Furthermore, Hemingway’s treatment of that struggle demonstrates his impressive ability to deploy both dialogue and the representation of consciousness to guide his audience’s inferencing. Hemingway uses the dialogue to show that, although Nick’s father answers Nick’s questions with genuine care for Nick, the answers themselves are not particularly helpful because his father is not able to adopt Nick’s perspective. When Nick’s father says that the difficulty of dying “all depends,” the natural follow up would be “it depends on what, Daddy?” but Nick’s silence signals that he has now stopped trying to get insight from his father.

    Cushman’s comment on the ending perceptively points to the way the details of the scene play into Nick’s denial or evasion. But digging deeper reveals how much Hemingway both trusts and subtly guides his audience. Hemingway reports Nick’s misguided conclusion without any narratorial comment because Hemingway knows that his audience knows that he knows that Nick is in denial here. (That’s a mouthful, I realize, but one I hope you’ll find worth chewing on.) What’s more, Hemingway affectively aligns his audience with Nick, despite his denial, in part by inviting us to see how nature seems to support Nick’s conclusion. The rising sun, the jumping bass, the warm lake water juxtaposed with the chilly air: as we follow Nick’s perception of these things, we also feel his connection with the ongoing stream of life. Feeling that connection leads us to empathize with Nick in denial, even as we find it poignant. More generally, Hemingway turns the genre of loss-of-innocence narratives on its head by making “Indian Camp” a story in which the protagonist denies that he has lost his innocence. Paradoxically, however, the inferencing that Hemingway guides us through makes us register Nick’s loss even more deeply. We come away empathizing with Nick and admiring the artistry of his creator.

    The beginning and the ending of A Farewell to Arms provide even greater opportunities to reveal what lies beneath the writing iceberg. Here’s the famous opening paragraph, which Burns and Novick reproduce via a nice variation of their usual pattern with Hemingway’s writing. Daniels reads the first sentence and then forms a duet with Edna O’Brien, who reads the middle sentences with him; Daniels then yields the floor to O’Brien who reads the last one. This strategy highlights the rhythms of Hemingway’s prose.

    In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the water was clear and swiftly moving, and blue in the channels. Troops went by the house and down the road and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees. The trunks of the trees too were dusty and the leaves fell early that year and we saw the troops marching along the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred by the breeze, falling and the soldiers marching and afterward the road bare and white except for the leaves.

    Cushman calls this passage a demonstration of “rhythmic mastery” that also “breaks all the rules” (no one before Hemingway would use “and” fifteen times in four sentences), and O’Brien suggests that Hemingway is applying what he learned about rhythm and repetition from Bach’s music to English prose. Again, good stuff, but let’s dig deeper by looking at material, treatment, and inferencing.

    Material: nature in the form of the river, the plain, the mountains, the blue water moving swiftly in the river channels, the leaves on the trees; humans whose presence disrupts that nature.

    Treatment: the first-person perspective of a soldier in the village, who, we learn later, is a young American called Frederic Henry.

    Inferencing: Hemingway guides his audience to see more about the scene than Frederic himself does. More specifically, Hemingway invites his readers to recognize that (a) the causal connections between the presence of the troops and the disruption of nature—”the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees . . . and the leaves fell early that year”—and thus the general destructiveness of the war; and that (b) Frederic does not register those connections, restricting himself to his faithful recording of one thing after another. All those “ands” are crucial to this inferencing.

    Similarly, later in the chapter Frederic does not seem to register Hemingway’s implicit association between the effect of the rain and the effect of the troops: “. . . in the fall when the rains came the leaves all fell from the chestnut trees and the branches were bare and the trunks black with rain.”  By guiding his audience to see Frederic’s situation more clearly than Frederic does, Hemingway constructs Frederic as an unreliable interpreter of his own situation.

    Hemingway then uses the last two sentences of the chapter to nail down this discrepancy between his audience’s inferencing and Frederic comprehension: “At the start of the winter came the permanent rain and with the rain came the cholera. But it was checked, and in the end only seven thousand died of it in the army.” Who says, “only seven thousand died”? Who confines the casualties of the cholera to those in the Allied army? A committed ironist, a military official trying to minimize casualties, or a callow young American volunteer in the ambulance division who has not thought much about war. Frederic does not qualify as an ironist, given the earnestness of his recording, and he is no military official.

    In sum, underneath that stylistically brilliant first chapter, Hemingway invites his readers to infer how much innocence and naivete Frederic has to lose and how much he needs to learn about the war and the world.

    In contrast to the Nick Adams of “Indian Camp,” Frederic not only loses his innocence and naivete but recognizes the loss. Indeed, he learns a lot about the war and the world from Catherine Barkley, who once tells him that she’s afraid of the rain because she sees herself dead in in it. (The issue of how Hemingway’s ideas about gender influence his construction of Catherine’s character is a complex one that I won’t get into here, except for a few comments below.) After Frederic makes his farewell to military arms, he and Catherine establish their own happy but fragile existence in Switzerland. That happiness is permanently shattered when Catherine dies in childbirth, along with their baby. Burns and Novick use their commentators to emphasize how much Hemingway struggled with how to end the novel after Catherine’s death—the ms. shows forty-seven different attempts! The documentary, however, does not address why the ending Hemingway chose works so well, and, thus, misses an especially ripe occasion to make visible more of what lies beneath the surface of his deceptively simple prose.  

    Material: what should the final part be? A philosophical reflection along the lines of the famous “If people bring so much courage to this world, the world has to kill them to break them” passage? Indeed, why not use that exact passage? Or should the narrative end with a line of dialogue? Or a report of Frederic’s actions in the immediate aftermath of Catherine’s death? Or something else?

    Treatment: Once that choice is made, what’s the optimal way handle it? Should Frederic explicitly express his grief and sorrow about losing Catherine? Or should the emotion be suppressed? If suppressed, how to invite his readers to recognize it?

    Hemingway opts for the report of a final action and treats it by returning to the style of the opening chapter: “Troops went by the house and down the road and . . .” becomes “I went out and left the hospital and walked. . . .”

    Inferencing: The style is similar, but Frederic’s voices are radically different. The first chapter is in the voice of Frederic the naïve ambulance driver. The last sentence is in the voice of the enlightened man who feels Catherine’s absence and the destructiveness of the world in every fiber of his being but who is not himself destroyed by those feelings. This man now understands rain as a synecdoche for that destructiveness but who carries on despite its presence. As Hemingway matches voice to action, he invites his readers to recognize that, in taking these small steps back into the world, Frederic is not yet strong at the broken places but is deliberately (in both senses) advancing toward such a condition. The final sentence, then, though suffused with Frederic’s grief, also indicates the completion of his transformation from the unreliable character narrator of Chapter 1 to a character narrator wholly aligned with the perspective and values of his creator. From this perspective, Hemingway chose well among the forty-seven options he considered for the ending. We may cry, as Edna O’Brien did, in reading this novel, but we also come away moved by its aesthetic power.  

    After such responses, we may also want to raise questions or objections. Here are just a few. Does Hemingway, despite initially giving her a perspective aligned with his—and showing that she is one who is strong at the broken places—treat her as a disposable woman, important primarily for her service to both Frederic and his own artistic ends? Even as he transforms his experience with Agnes in his construction of the Catherine-Frederic relationship, does Catherine’s fate include a tinge (or more) of vengeance against Agnes? Does Hemingway overdo it with the emphasis on the world’s destruction and on his use of the rain? (Riddle: What’s Hemingway’s answer to “why did the chicken cross the road?” Answer: “To die. In the rain.”) But I would suggest that these questions become more intriguing when put into dialogue with the answers that emerge from a focus on Hemingway’s handling of material, treatment, and inferencing.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

    There’s a lot more to say about that handling in Hemingway’s other work, but I hope this much indicates how I’d go about saying it. I turn now to why I think the sculpted iceberg needs to include several holes.

    The sculpture needs the holes to signal that the relations between the life and the writing can never be fully explained, and it needs more than one to signal that there are multiple gaps in those relations. The first, and perhaps largest gap, is between formative experiences and ultimate achievement. When Burns and Novick look to the life for experiences that help explain Hemingway’s famous style, they highlight such things as his extended childhood engagements with the music of Bach; his experience as a journalist for the Kansas City Star who insisted that their writers should: “Use short sentences. Use short first paragraphs. Use vigorous English”; and his reading of Gertrude Stein with an eye toward her experiments with repetition and syntax. Influences, yes. Explanations, no. How many others played Bach, wrote short sentences and paragraphs, and read Stein, and how many of them became accomplished writers?

    A second gap is between specific experiences and the transformation of those experiences into powerful fiction. A Farewell to Arms is based on Hemingway’s experiences in World War I, including his relationship with Agnes. But A Farewell to Arms is far from a roman á clef, and the departures from Hemingway’s personal experience are crucial to the success of the narrative, especially the different trajectory of the relationship between himself and Agnes and the one between Frederic and Catherine.  Where do those departures come from? Not from other direct experiences, but rather Hemingway’s own imagination in combination with his sense of what the narrative needs. In other words, the transformation of experience into powerful fiction depends not just on the experiences themselves but also on the writer’s ability to see beyond the experiences to their significance. This transformation also depends on the writer’s sense, often intuitive but sometimes deliberately conscious, of how introducing something that departs from the experience can have ripple effects on the rest of the narrative. A third gap arises because writing is itself its own activity in which one learns by doing and in which what one learns has an existence apart from whatever else is happening in one’s life. How does one get to Stockholm for the Nobel Prize in Literature? Practice, practice, practice—and, to adapt what Michael Katakis says at the beginning of the documentary, be like “so many other people, except [have] enormous talent.”

    In a sense, Burns and Novick devote six hours of filmmaking to unpacking Katakis’s description of Hemingway as such a man and to looking for connections between his fundamental similarities to so many others and that enormous talent. If I’m right about what stands apart between the life and the writing, it is inevitable that Hemingway succeeds more with the similarities than with their connections to that talent. Inevitable and perfectly fine because the life is captivating. Nevertheless, it’s the writing that fuels the interest in the life, and just how Hemingway was able to produce it will, I suspect, never be fully explained. What we can do, however, is continue to increase our understanding of what lies beneath its surfaces.

  • When I Hear the Song “Mi Viejo” by Piero

    As soon as I read Elizabeth Acevedo’s The Poet X, I knew there was a brilliant poetic voice illuminating the future. Acevedo is a performance poet whose beautiful free verse crosses over for both adult and teen readers. The Poet X is a verse novel with so much rhythm that it could be performed as musical theater. The story is both sensitive and energetic, emotionally complex and accessible. The Poet X asks quiet questions, but it asks them with a beat. The story explores immigration, relationships, and coming of age. Many of the poems are bilingual, written in confident Spanglish. The protagonist grows, loses some Dominican traditions, and learns to value others. Above all, she gains her individuality and freedom of expression, granting the reader a sense of hope. Elizabeth Acevedo offers a voice that young readers need.

    Margarita Engle, author of The Surrender Tree: Poems of Cuba’s Struggle for Freedom and Poetry Foundation 2017–2019 Young People’s Poet Laureate


    today, miles and years from Papi’s record player,
    the night unrolls itself into blue linoleum,
    the guitar strings my extended hand in his direction.

    I killed him for almost half my childhood.
    We are taught many things by counting time, even this.

    If this was the only father I had to claim,
    I preferred him buried in memory.

    Now, his records drag like a long breath 
    between the pause of songs.

    He should have danced with me more often.

  • When the Staleys Came to Visit

    Where Harry and Helen Staley would sleep was obvious; Winnie would give up her full-sized bed and take the couch. She scrubbed the grimy black and white tile in the bathroom. She shopped for sophisticated snacks that would appeal to anyone: figs; a wedge of brie; a can of salted mixed nuts; two bottles of wine, one red, one white, each under six dollars, which would stretch her budget at that; and some sparkling water. New York had the best water, she heard people say, and had learned to repeat it. Harry wouldn’t mind drinking from the tap: he was originally from Brooklyn, and when he wanted to amuse the students in his James Joyce class in Albany, he spoke like he had marbles in his mouth, shaking his jowls, “Ahm from Brookluhn.” When he did that, Winnie, who sat on the left side of the first row, imagined him as a little boy in tweed knickers, knocking a ball out of a scrappy baseball field with a wad of age-inappropriate tobacco in his cheek. On the other hand, she wasn’t sure if Helen would drink tap water.

    It was Harry who had been her professor. Semester after semester she took every class of his that was on offer: The History of the English Language, its centuries of root words tugging at her; James Joyce, if only for the dirty Molly Bloom bits; Romantic Poetry, and how romantic it was when he read to them, Keats, of course; Shelley, of course.

    Thou wovest dreams of joy and fear,

    which makes thee terrible and dear–.

    Their visits began in his office. Winnie would drop in, enraptured by a line from a book or poem, and flop down on the spare chair in his office hoping to get him talking. He would slip back and forth between his Brooklyn rogue and his Irish brogue. He smiled first and twinkled second and welcomed her back anytime third. One time she went to visit him, and another student sat in that same chair to talk about an actual paper. She listened outside the door, searching for the same fondness in his voice, and was comforted that it was nowhere to be found. He was wearing her favorite sweater of his, a sea green stitched wool with a moth hole in the elbow. If she could, she would have borrowed it to wear down the second elbow. On his desk were pads written on with a slanted Palmer-trained handwriting in stubby pencil, not pen.

    Their visits continued at the Monday night open mic poetry readings at the QE2 bar on Central Avenue where he turned up to read poetry about his Irish heritage and Catholic upbringing.

    I attended children’s mass,

    lulled by Latin, carefully Young Father Smith revealed the host,

    omnipotent and bright,

    larger than a quarter.

     “But not a drop of the blood to pass my lips,” he said later, winking at her. She was sure he’d seen her outside earlier smoking, and she’d felt mortified, and stomped out the filter, aware of her stench. The feeling was a knotted mess: getting away with something, but craving approval. Maybe it was the poetry, maybe it was the moth hole, maybe it was the stubby pencils. Maybe she wanted to get too close.

    And finally, they met across his own threshold in a historical building on State Street, in his formal parlor, a baby Steinway with no sign of play and lots of upholstery and creaky wooden floors and mouldings and furniture. During her first visit, Helen buzzed about the background of their pre-war galley kitchen, making tea. Until she didn’t hang back. She was small, but her presence formidable. She drove a long white Chevy Impala, and at 4’11” her hands reached up to the steering wheel like a young child’s. It was impossible to see her little head behind the wheel unless she was wearing her formidable black fur hat.

    It didn’t take long for Winnie to understand herself to be witness to the strange dynamics of a marriage. Before her visits to State Street, marriage hovered in her mind like an abstract dollhouse that she’d never fit into, only with car payments and a shared bank account. Most often, marriage looked like divorce.

    With a cup of tea balanced on a saucer that was balanced on her knee, Winnie noticed that for every word that Harry uttered, Helen uttered twelve. At first, she finished his sentences. Soon, she covered them over before they could get a running start. He sat like a scolded child with his hands folded in his lap, sulking in a deep chair. This gathering morphed into a strange triangulation, a daydream where Harry struggled to push open a heavy mahogany door, only to have it slammed shut by Helen. Winnie wanted to push it back open and leave it that way. She wanted a skeleton key, so she could push Helen into a dark hallway and lock the door and listen to him finish his own sentences for eternity.

    *

    It had been a couple of years since Winnie packed up a U-Haul after graduation and moved to New York City. “Don’t put an ad in the Village Voice!” she’d said to a former classmate who was leaving her cheap apartment to move in with her boyfriend. It was now a couple of years since she’d sat in the Staley’s parlor, and they were coming to stay with her.

    It was dark by the time her doorbell buzzed. Winnie pressed the intercom and tried to keep her voice steady. “I’m gonna buzz you! Come on in! I’m on the 3rd floor.” Helen appeared first, emerging around the curve of the stairwell, the same black fur hat covering her fiery red hair that always covered her fiery red hair. Her black wool cape dragged on the floor as she climbed the stairs. Her winter boots were from another time altogether, also fur, with embroidery woven across the seams, not unlike the arts and crafts displayed at the annual Ukrainian street fair in Winnie’s neighborhood.

    She hugged them both and showed them to her room, apologizing about everything in no specific order (the size of her apartment; the box of cat litter in the corner; the narrow spiral staircase with hard metal edges that lead up to the bedroom—oh, be careful!—; and the firmness of her mattress). For herself, she made a nest on the couch with her black cat, Charlie.

    *

    When Winnie came home from work the next evening, Harry and Helen were out visiting friends. Helen made their friends sound so glamorous. A homosexual, in the theater. An artist who we met in Japan. Her bathroom was now a skyline of personal toiletries, including a canister of orange-flavored Metamucil. There was no turning back, she understood. The cracks that surfaced with intimacy would only spread from there.

    At 10:45, the buzzer buzzed, and they climbed the stairs, Helen chattering to Harry nonstop. “But they didn’t stay for long, did they? That was a bore. At least the borscht was homemade.”

    *

    The second time the Staleys came to visit, it was to attend an art opening on 25th Street, not for their friend the Japanese artist, Helen was careful to clarify, but for another wonderful friend, from Amsterdam. Would Winnie be able to break free from work to meet them for lunch at the gallery? “Yes, of course,” she said, wishing she could see Harry alone.

    On the appointed day, Winnie waited awkwardly for them to turn up. From a large picture window, she watched heavy, wet snow fall. A yellow taxi pulled up and she watched as Helen exited onto the slushy curb. Her black fur hat fell into the snow, and she bent like an accordion to pick it up. What was left of her hair was freshly dyed red, long and wild, and blew into her face. Harry emerged next, wearing sneakers with no socks. A thin, white anorak was the only thing protecting him from the sharp Hudson River wind. When they came inside, it seemed a wonderful shock at seeing her there, even though they’d made plans three days earlier. Winnie quickly surmised that they’d forgotten her. Lunch wasn’t going to happen. Oh dear, it’s snowing, and best if we don’t spend the night. Best if we turn around and catch an earlier train back upstate.

    When she left to return to work, hot tears spilled.

    On the floor of the small elevator in her office building, a brass stamp was engraved into the floor that read “Staley.” It might have been the elevator maker; it might have been an elevator distributor, if there was such a thing. Every time Winnie rode up or down, she meditated on the “S” which swooped with a lovely serif at each end. Sometimes it looked tarnished, barely noticeable under the scrum of shuffling feet. Other times, a fresh new shine drew her eyes towards it. Always, out of an odd respect for the randomness of its placement, she did her best to sidestep it altogether. If she were alone, she might articulate an S sound, connecting it to another word. Serendipity. Snake. Sunshine. Sadness.

    *

    The years ticked on and they fell out of touch. Occasionally, she spotted a book of poetry on her bookshelves by Harry called Lives of a Shell-shocked Chaplain. Winnie had perched it next to a book Helen had self-published, about a cat. She wondered if they were still alive, living in their grand, but down-at-the-heels apartment on State Street in Albany. The last time she’d been there, Helen was doing a furious “lightening up.” She came out of her kitchen holding a set of opaque, rose-colored aperetif glasses, and a sake set. “I carried these on my lap from Japan when we came home from our honeymoon. We would love for you to have them.” Harry sat upright in his faded green armchair, smiled, and nodded with approval. Winnie’s heart cracked open. They were like grandparents, but that wasn’t right. He was like an old love, but that wasn’t right, either.

    The last time she’d sat in his office, he’d tucked his chin in his palm, looked at her wistfully, and said, “Oh Winnie, if only I were younger.” Until that afternoon, Winnie had never asked Professor Staley for an extension on a paper. She knocked on his door and he gently pulled it open, surprised to see her on the other side. “Sit, sit!” In the warm glow of amber lamp light, his grin was crooked, his eyebrows two white caterpillars. He had no problem with her turning in her paper a day late, but asking him made her cheeks burn. She accepted that afternoon’s visit as a complex but beautiful inevitability, and it stayed with her for many years, like an extra button in a teacup.

    *

    Of all the places they ended up, the Catholic nursing home on New Scotland Avenue was not what Winnie imagined. A nurse explained that he and Helen had separate rooms. She asked for directions to Harry’s room. At the end of a long corridor, she found his empty bed made up with a mustard-colored shaggy comforter. On the bedside table, a hospital-issue plastic water pitcher, and a framed picture of he and Helen as young war lovers, she in crimson lipstick with that same unmistakable intensity in her gaze, and he jovial and goofy in his uniform. Winnie followed the musty smell of overly cooked vegetables to the cafeteria and found them sitting at the end of a group table. Both were in wheelchairs. Winnie leaned down to their height. Harry smiled, his remaining teeth protruding. Helen scoured, sending her painted left eyebrow into a sharp 90-degree angle. “I didn’t think we’d see you again,” she said.

    Harry offered her his tapioca cup and patted her shoulder. “I know you, I know you!” She could have been his student; she could have been his daughter. Had Helen not been there, she wasn’t sure which identity she would have claimed. Artist from Amsterdam. Borscht maker. Daughter.

    When she went back to work, she entered the elevator and looked downward at the brass stamp below her feet. Staley, with its two serifs.

  • Wikipoems

    Wikipoems

    Synchronicity

     

    a person was embedded in an orderly framework
    an “intervention of grace”
    appears to be inconceivable
    but rather an expression of a deeper order
    with an impeccably “geometrical” idea of reality.

     

    a phenomenon of energy, a governing dynamic
    which underlies the whole of human experience
    and history within the bounds of intelligibility
    it is impossible to examine all chance happenings
    meaningfully related in spite of efforts made on both sides
    it breaks whenever they touch it.

     

    “That’s the effect of living backwards,
    conscious thinking to greater wholeness
    plum pudding on the menu and “acausal parallelism.”
    it was a fairly large flying insect that was knocking against the window-pane
    falling together in time without apparent cause,
    the cause can be internal.

     

    This experience punctured the desired hole in her,
    attempts to sweeten her rationalism with a somewhat
    more human understandinga complicated apparatus.

     

    Identification of non-existent patterns
    confirms one’s preconceptions,
    and like the “man in the moon”, or faces in wood grain
    “nothing can happen without being caused”
    and probably never will be.

     

    Hypnagogia

     

    During this “threshold consciousness”
    “half-asleep” or “half-awake”, or “mind awake body asleep”
    or a doorbell ringing.

     

    the experience of the transitional state continues
    with increasing sophistication.

     

    Lucid thought, lucid dreaming, hallucinations, and sleep paralysis
    range from the vague and barely perceptible to vivid
    inspiration (artistic or divine).

     

    The phenomenon of seeing the chess board and pieces
    usually static and lacking in narrative content,
    representing movement through tunnels of light.
    Edgar Allan Poe, for example, wrote of the “fancies”

     

    people may drift in and out of sleep. The edges of sleep
    monochromatic or richly colored, still or moving,
    flat or three-dimensional (representational) images turning
    abstract ideas into a concrete explanation
    for at least some alien abduction experiences,

     

    intrude into wakefulness in to a decline
    in speckles, lines or geometrical patterns,
    including form constants, or as its corresponding neurology,
    (exploding head syndrome).

     

    It is not to be confused with daydreaming.

     

    Kansas

     

    in the Midwestern United States
    it is often said to mean “people of the (south)
    constructed homesteads
    when waves of immigrants turned the prairie into farmland.

     

    At the same time, they became known as Exodusters.

     

    in the 1850s, in the midst of political wars
    Tribes in the eastern part of the supercell thunderstorms;
    was first claimed as the evidence of a spiritual experience
    referred to as the baptism of the Holy Spirit in 1901.

     

    a hotbed of violence and chaos in its early days as these forces collided,

     

    in the summer and spring,
    Mount Sunflower is built on one of the world’s largest salt deposits
    “Queen of the Cowtowns.”  is prone to severe weather
    the “Cathedral of the Plains” is located as the home of Dorothy Gale,

     

    also home of the Westboro Baptist Church,

     

    in children’s literature,
    Wild Bill Hickok lying in the great central plain of the United States,
    indeed “flatter than a pancake”
    producing high yields of wheat, corn, sorghum, and soybeans.

     

    His application to that body for a fictional town of Manifest,

     

    in villages along the river valleys
    the Wild West-era commenced in a sequence of horizontal
    to gently westward dipping sedimentary rocks
    as sunny as California and Arizona.

     

    Wagon ruts from the trail are still visible in the prairie today.

  • Urinals

     

            U        
            URINALS
    I
    N
    A
    L
    S
    Vitreous, oft-white, wall-mounted, what runs
    flavid down each steep face collects in a font
    you’d never dip your fingers in. Public things,
    out of place in homes, their torso-like forms
    gleam in rows beneath bright humming tubes
    in windowless rooms behind doors that lack
    knobs.   Nearly half the first world knows all
    too irksomely the subtle variations of urinals,
    what vast differences can be made by height,
    style, proximity, number, partitions. (I write
    only in memory of feelings.) The greater half
    turns on heel, flees at the sight of them, fresh
    ly aghast at their peculiarity.   Like an algebra
    problem whose answer is a violin, the urinal’s
    fanciful shape is arrived into using a rationale
    of brutish functionality. This makes it lovely.
    Its glazed Art-Deco curves trace their origins
    to the propensity for male equipment to drip,
    drizzle, spray in a rake. Herein lies a urinal’s
    quiddity: At one, you must perform. At one,
    you can’t miss. You’re shooting into a barrel
    of fish. You can close eyes, can nod or rock
    back your head, stare at the ceiling, whatever
    you need to still your mind into the necessary
    zero from which a flow can begin. Flanked
    close by grown men, it is
    often not so
    easy
  • Will Over Reflex: Prose & Poetry

    Belief:  A Primer

    At her First 
    Communion
    she whirled 
    her head
    around 

    and mouthed
    the words
    Does anyone 
    believe this

    as crumbs
    of blood
    tickled
    the ends
    of her lips

     

    The Gallery: Disappearing Acts

     

    I’m not sure how it began, but soon my tongue started falling out of my face.
    At first it tingled, I pulled it lightly, then it kept unraveling until there it was, 
    looped in a single pile on the ground, what looked like miles of tongue tape.
    Red rope or fire hose or skin. A sculpture of tastebuds. And I wasn’t bleeding. 
    Just stood there, mouth emptied, tongueless.

     

    What did it feel like?

     

    I don’t remember any feeling, stood numb dumb mute, mouth open and empty. 
    Watching. And then the other bodies faces gathered to watch. It was a real show. 
    The Tongue Gallery. That’s what they called it.

     

    What happened then?

     

    After the show, after the clinking of glasses and the murmur of watching, a man 
    stepped forward. He stood next to me, before the pile, and pulled a Swiss Army 
    knife from his front pocket with the flourish of a magician beginning his act. All 
    became quiet.

    Everything blacked out, everything but the man, the pile, the knife – visibly dull 
    from too much whittling of wood or gutting of trout or carving off skins. Slowly 
    he circled and began to unravel the pile until it lay flat across the room, one 
    continuous track of tongue.

    He sliced cross-sections, slicing quickly down the line.

    A woman in a white suit assisted the man with the knife, delicately holding a tray, expertly collecting each slice. Slices lay atop the tray, layered in pinwheels the deep pink of medium rare, not bloody but far from the taste of live tongues flapping; pink slices fanned across the tray with catered delight. She offered them up as a delicacy and a souvenir, a reminder of the show that had been so sweet.

     

    And then?

     

    Each guest took a cocktail napkin and a slice, sniffing their morsel, then risking a small bite. Chewier than I expected, but such flavor shared a woman in ruffles and gold hoops. Best to take the whole slice in your mouth at once advised another woman in silver taffeta and knee-high boots. When the tray arrived before my eyes, I paused. Not wanting to be rude, but knowing I must refuse my slice, I held right hand over stomach and shook my head side to side. Must’ve eaten something strange for lunch whispered taffeta into white suit’s ear. And the tray moved on through the crowd, offering up its pinwheels of tongue, fanned delicately into infinity.

     

    And then?

     

    Grasp onto limbs
    hold onto the present-tense of bodies 
    slough off past and future pains 
    breathe in this room of shared skins

    tonight we fall asleep in calm tides of this lullaby.
    But sooner rather than later, we will awaken to a loud 
    cloud of smoke and tears, a towering pile
    of the nothing left behind.

     

    Seeing Them for the First Time 
    (For Cherie)

     

    i. 1989

    I took the day off
    from earth science
    and algebra and clay
    to drive over the
    George Washington Bridge
    and cry with people I didn’t know and some I did.
    We looked inside the casket thick red carpets muting
    a roomful of swallows and gulps the corners alive with whispers.

    Cousins twenty years older 
    are myths, a stolen whiff of 
    what you might someday be. 
    They kiss and drive
    and die before you, usually.

    He was young: electric eyes
    long lashes, a smile.
    My brother and I held
    each other saying nothing
    and later drove home across the river 
    in a quiet I can still hear 
    remembering Eddie.

     

    ii. 1963

    You know the sound 
    someone makes
    when they feel pain? 
    That’s what it sounded like 
    at my Cousin Joanne’s 
    open casket funeral
    as they lowered her into 
    wet Wisconsin ground.

    Everyone said we could be twins. 
    That afternoon I climbed 
    upstairs to her room
    and while I was running my
    hand over her hairbrush
    her sister walked past
    and screamed But you’re dead! 
    That day I was her ghost.

    Their house was on a farm
    at the top of a valley, their well 
    downhill from the pigpen.
    To make a long story short:
    as it flowed down, they drank
    the shit and she got cancer from it. 
    Dirty water gets you every time.

     

    iii. Outside Time: A Dream

     

    There were toilets on every floor. 
    Each overflowing, though not 
    how you’d expect.

    Each overflowing with 
    hard-boiled eggs.

    We worried but how to make it 
    stop? and when the worrying 
    became exhausting we stopped 
    and ate and dreamt and ate. 

     

    The Swallower’s Art

    The Sword Swallowers Association International – codename SSAI –
    is a non-profit organization home to a hundred or more amateur and pro 
    swallowers world round.

    Swallowers must learn the art of taming their gag reflex, a spasm of muscles 
    where throat meets esophagus: the esophageal sphincter, if you must know. 
    When you think about all the pills and spills we’re expected to swallow,
    our gag reflex is a throwback to another time and place and Life on Earth. 
    What began thousands of years ago as an act of divinity morphed into a bawdy 
    entertainment, then condemned as dark art in dark times of Inquisiting minds, 
    resurrected with circus sideshows carnival tents World’s Fair Coney Island 
    spectaculars by the shore.

    Swallowers train for years: the triumph of body over nature, will over reflex. 
    They begin with small household objects, spoons and knitting needles, before 
    moving onto wire hangers and knives. Then the solid steel swords begin,
    at least half-an-inch wide, fifteen inches long to pass snuff with the SSAI. 
    An oft-cited affliction of even the most skilled swallowers – other than death by 
    impaled aorta or burst stomach – is affectionately called “sword throat.”

    All fun and games until your left lung explodes from a 16-inch steel rod.

    Most celebrated swallowers are middle-aged men once-upon-a-time boys 
    catapulted into lifetimes on a late-night dare. Never as simple as: one day
    I stuck the blade in. For the burgeoning performer, there’s a first audience, 
    the clinch moment – to walk or stay, intoxicated by this little death so near.

    It all begins with that first swallow, the plunge.

  • Valravn (excerpt from a current work-in-progress)

    Valravn (excerpt from a current work-in-progress)

    A different wood; a different moon. This is the early moon, crescent as a fingernail, snagged in the silk of the still-pale sky. Barely dawn, when these sisters enter the wood with their snail buckets.

    I will gift them names: Ivy and Sweetbriar. Ivy is the prim, plain older sister, the keeper of wisdom. Sweetbriar is the fanciful, feral one, sheltered under her protection. Pairs of sisters in stories tend to be these types, I’ve noticed. One sense and one sensibility, as it were. One serious, law-abiding, scientific or religious – the other a madcap dreamer. Perhaps sisters naturally tend to arrive in sets of two, like seasoning shakers: paragon and renegade, preservative and spice. Complementary flavors, the two varieties of female success.

    “Sister,” whispers cherubic Sweetbriar, rosy-cheeked in the chill of the morning dew, still rubbing her eyes awake, “do you really think we can slay the Valravn?”

    Ivy consults her compass, checks the dagger on her belt. “I believe it is our duty,” she affirms. Solemn as a salt pillar beneath her hooded cloak, even as she refuses to look back.

    *

    The sisters live in a village at the edge of the wood. Their father is the milkman and their mother is the cheesemaker. They spend cool evenings by the fire in the big room of their simple stone cottage. Ivy steadily knits while Sweetbriar rolls yarn balls for their kitten, or tries to stand on her head, or clumsily plucks the lyre and sings, for many verses, songs she makes up on the spot all by herself. This is the first adventure they’ve gone on.

    It is out of the ordinary, the quest of two young girls to slay the Valravn. But sometimes a bold child must step up to address what the adults will not.

    *

    Since long before the sisters’ conceptions, the people of the village have made a yearly sacrifice to the Valravn. It used to be the heart of a stag. Then it was the heart of a horse. For the last three years, it has been the heart of a human being, selected by raffle at the festival. The Valravn craving ever more from their community’s lifeblood, a beloved soul hell-banished each time. They never went willingly, not when their number was called, not the blacksmith, nor the schoolmaster, nor the tavern’s proprietress. Every chosen villager cursed and screamed and begged for their lives. The Valravn, the community’s captor – but also, the elders maintain, their benefactor, bestowing riches not of this world, filling their wells with healing elixir, fecundifying their soil and their barnyards.

    Well. These two sisters have their own opinions about that. They work their chores. They fill their snail buckets. They know where the riches of these households come from.

    *

    The Valravn is half-wolf, half-raven. He stands on two vulpine legs like a human man and his pelt bristles with thick black feathers. He lives in a cave with all of human history painted on its walls in arcane symbols. His beak drips blood.

    He sears the hearts before he eats them, so the flesh cracks and blisters and the inside gleams back to life.

    *

    The girls walk through the cool of the morning into the heat of the day. By noon, Ivy carries Sweetbriar’s cloak and slippers as the latter wades in a babbling brook.

    “I’m hungry, Sister,” Sweetbriar says, outstretching her arms to balance on the wet stones.

    “We should not stop to eat, not till weakness claims us. We have just begun our journey.”

    “It’s hard to have adventures on an empty stomach.”

    “We eat none but what the Valravn gives us,” Ivy replies firmly. “Every mouthful we take before he lies slain, the deeper we sink into his debt.”

    “But Sister, you don’t believe what the elders say. The Valravn doesn’t give anything to anybody. He only takes.”

    “What the Valravn gives, consumes more than it provides. But nothing – we should wish it was nothing.”

    “Then how come you told me the Valravn never gave the village a single thing we needed?”

    “Because the Valravn doesn’t give the people what they need. He gives his acolytes what they want.” Ivy pauses to toss back the hood of her cloak and drink water from her leather flask. If Sweetbriar is unmistakably puppyish, Ivy is so slight and inscrutable, it would be hard for a stranger to guess her age. In her, youth is a kind of blankness. A stealth mode. “I didn’t tell you this, little one, but when I delivered cheese to the mayor’s house, the mayor’s wife – the chooser of hearts herself – invited me in out of the rain. I saw that she wore around her neck a curious new stone. Though the day was dark, it glimmered like a firefly. Like trapped magic.” Ivy refills her flask from the spring. “The Valravn gives presents to his favorites. That is why they do not keep him in check.”

    “But we don’t owe him anything. We would never take his bribes.”

    “Perhaps we would not. But our father has.”

    Sweetbriar stops splashing her feet in the current, looks up in disbelief. “No.”

    “Do you remember when Cow took ill past midnight? Lowed and lowed, and would not stand?”

    “I would remember, but I was sent back to bed.”

    “That night, when all other remedies had failed, Father pricked Cow with a silver spindle and Cow calmed enough to birth the stillborn calf feet first. The calf we ate in stew for a fortnight.” Ivy grows pensive, remembering. “It was not a spindle I had ever seen before.”

    “But it was a good thing, for Cow to live. We eat her cheese.”

    “Is it a good thing, if it’s gotten in an evil way?” Scolding: “Sweetbriar.”

    The child sighs and recites. “‘Nothing is good / that is not right. / What’s done in dark / will come to light.’”

     Ivy smiles, slightly. She may be the one driving this mission. But she knows she’d never be able to actually complete it without her little sister.

    *

    They won’t be missed for hours, not until dark. The forest is where they’re supposed to be. The forest, their parents like to say, is their education. The sisters spend most days combing the woods for snails, turning over every leaf. Some of the snails are food, and some of them are medicine, but the snails in this wood are not poisonous. Poisons do not grow in this forest. Not yet. The Valravn has arrived but there is still time before terror begins to bend the world around it.

    Innocence is still possible.

    *

    Ivy has obtained a map of the Valravn’s location, a map written in burn marks on hide. She will not tell Sweetbriar where she got it, and in truth, Sweetbriar does not wish to know. Ivy always finishes the worst tasks alone – it is the curse of the elder sister.

    A map like this does not come from a happy place. It smells of musk and ash that stains both girls’ fingers as they pour over it in a clearing, trying to find their way back to the path. The sky has turned overcast.

    “Perhaps we should have turned left, at Dubious Rock,” Ivy frets. “We may have to retrace our steps.”

    This is the sort of map that requires a legend to define its symbols – it bears scant resemblance to the wood in which they stand. Sweetbriar can make no sense of it at all. But she wants to seem grown-up enough to merit consultation. “Which way does the compass say?”

    Ivy takes the compass from her cloak and opens it for her sister. “Oh no.”

    Ivy sets it on a nearby tree stump, and together the girls watch the fine needle spin: first left, then right. Then in steady ticks, counterclockwise. Sweetbriar does not remember what this means. But Ivy does.

    “Aunt Hither-Thither,” she calls into the dark wood. “We know you’re near!”

    The spaces between the trees Escher into the trees themselves, grow dark as shadows on a velvet curtain. The air itself parts like a splitting cocoon.

    Their mother’s younger sister – though she looks far older – springs forth in frizzy braids with gaps in her smile, wearing the old, ragged skin of a cinnamon bear, leaning hard on her burl staff with its knob of riven quartz. Her hat Hygrocybe conica, a mushroom best left among the snail slime and rotten logs.

    “My babies!” she shrieks. Half cackle, half laying claim. “You scrumptious hunks of my sister’s heart!”

    *

    Aunt Hither-Thither, their mother’s sister, used to live in the village. She brewed elixirs in her cauldron, wore heavy lanyards of drying herb. She allowed skunklings to nest in her root cellar, and harvested their scent for bear deterrent she sold to the local foragers. Imagine that: a woman, unwed and unwashed, in her own filthy house, expressing the scent of a skunk for gold.

    Yet all of it was allowed. Aunt Hither-Thither was only expelled from the village because she began, covertly, to sell her potions in bulk to some of the housewives, to allow them to become home merchants of her goods – “sorceresses-in-training” was the expression that drew the most horror and ire – and, when exposed, refused to apologize for doing so. She would either have her coven, or she would make her way alone. The housewives stood, dead-eyed, by their husbands.

    She made her way alone.

    Sweetbriar was a babe-in-arms when Aunt Hither-Thither departed in disgrace. But Ivy remembers. She has thought about her aunt much over the years. Her aunt was powerful, yet she squandered that power to prove a point. She left the village, she did not steer it. She never faced the Valravn.

    *

    “We don’t need your help,” Ivy tells the old witch. “Sweetbriar, let’s go.”

    “Hogwash.” Aunt Hither-Thither is more amused than annoyed. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

    “It’s nobody’s neck,” Sweetbriar retorts. “We’re on a quest.”

    “A quest, huh? And maybe you thought you could swing by my place, pick up some enchanted gear? Some advice?”

    “We’re only here because we were lost. Fortunately I’ve found the way again.” Ivy rolls up the map but not before Aunt Hither-Thither catches a glimpse. She tries to snatch it but Ivy is too quick.

    “Kiddo.” Now serious as a heart attack: “Is that a page of the Dead Law Atlas?”

    “So what if it is?” Ivy lets her voice go cold and unbothered.

    “You’re in over your head, which isn’t screwed on properly, either.”

    “I know what I have to do. I know the prophecy.”

    The aunt’s expression grows stormier. “What do you know of the prophecy?”

    “I know only a child of the village can slay the Valravn.”

    “And what makes you think you’re that child?”

    “Maybe it’s me,” foreshadows plucky Sweetbriar. They both ignore her.

    “This isn’t make-believe,” Aunt Hither-Thither continues. “There won’t be a trail of breadcrumbs to lead you back. Are you really willing to do what’s necessary?”

    Ivy doesn’t flinch: “How do you think I got the map?”

    “There’s more to the prophecy than you know. Much more.” Aunt Hither-Thither scratches a chin bristle, thoughtfully. “The three of us ought to talk.”

    *

    Why did the other women join Aunt Hither-Thither’s coven in the first place, you might ask? Stooped even in youth, with her garb of rags and owlish unibrow, Aunt Hither-Thither was not a likely aspirational figure. And yet it was this very unlikelihood that did make her aspirational. It took a special certainty to commit so wholly to unholiness. To squat down in nature’s armpit and scrounge around for the secrets.

    The housewives wanted to know the things she knew, but they didn’t want to make the same sacrifices to know them. Ivy doesn’t care about sacrifices. She’s ready for this. She thinks of the old song, You’ll never see me cry. She takes her younger sister’s hand and leads her through the wood, toward the witch’s hut.

    *

    If the forest is their education, Aunt Hither-Thither’s part of it is a book with its leaves uncut. As they walk, the sisters don’t become more lost so much as more bewildered. Why are they on this path, rather than any other? How long have the trees been spiraling upwards, into these branching convolutions, gnarled as an old crone’s hands? If they, the girls, themselves grow old – a fate not guaranteed in light of their present task – what will they become?

    *

    The witch’s hut isn’t a hut at all. It’s part clapboard cottage, part covered bridge. The witch has built her home over a creek that runs through the wood, a little house rudely straddling a stream.

    “There’s a drain in the foundation that I use to discard waste,” she explains matter-of-factly. “Potions. Runoff from experimental fermentations. All manner of fluids. It gets in the water and the water gets in the dirt and everything that grows up out of the dirt. Soon this whole area will start to transform, no matter how the men of your village feel about it. Huh! Want to know how I know? Take a whiff on this side, where the water’s flowing in.”

    The girls smell the air before it passes beneath the shanty-truss. The water smells like… water.

    “Now over on this side.”

    They wouldn’t have noticed the difference, but when she points it out: pickle brine and varnish? With a just little hint of brimstone?

    “I’m not even home, and it’s extruding this much.” She slaps the building’s wall affectionately. “My house makes its own magic at this point. I’m that magical of a person. I feed the stream, and the stream feeds the river. And that’s why I’m well-equipped to advise you. Because I make almost as much good magic as the evil kind you’re going up against.”

    *

    The sisters don’t want to go inside the dripping house. You don’t either. I’m the first to admit it’s gross in there, in the lab of creation. Things writhing in jars. Roots with baby faces. Homemade glue. Menses. Even the good witches have to wrangle with what is. Any time you change what is, you produce a lot of waste. I’ll be the first to cop to that.

    *

    The aunt does what witches always do when they have children in their houses: she fires up her oven and puts her stew pot on to boil. Then she draws up a rocking chair at her hearth to tell them a story.

    It’s a story about the Valravn. But it’s not just about the Valravn.

    *

    “A new time is coming into the world. The future days will be the days of magic. The kind of magic we have now, it’s a magic of unbrokenness. If you ask me, we need to crack it a little. Shake a few pieces loose. Like I said, I’m a good witch, but this is one way Beaky von Beakerson and I are alike: we’re forerunners. Making the way for something new. Did your mother ever tell you that we met him?”

    “Mama met the Valravn?” Ivy, disbelieving: “Why didn’t she kill him?”

    “We were in the woods looking for snails and we found him curled up asleep in a nest on the ground. Blue black quills, shiny as wet ink. Pup paws that had never touched dirt. A hatchling. Your mother was just a kid, she took mercy on him. She’s had to live with that regret.”

    That explains a lot about their mother. The sisters have different theories as to exactly what.

    “Maybe you’re right,” Aunt Hither-Thither continues. “Maybe you are called to do this. Held accountable for her inaction. Doesn’t seem fair to me, but I don’t know how any of this is supposed to work. I do know, though, that the Valravn, he’s not the only seed that evil has sown. There are other monsters, like him and worse. Once he’s gone they’ll step up to replace him.”

    “Then we’ll replace them,” pipes up Sweetbriar. “Only, we’ll be the good monsters.”

     Aunt Hither-Thither laughs and laughs.

    *

    “Sweetbriar, I get the sense you’re a very young seven and a half,” Aunt Hither-Thither tells her niece. “So I’m giving you this amulet of protection. It’s a bezoar. You know what a bezoar is?”        

    “No.”

    “You don’t need to know.” She ties it around the child’s neck on its thick cord. “Ivy, I can tell you run headlong into danger. At least this way they won’t see you coming.” She strips off her cloak and flips it around for them to see its lining of invisibility before she hands it over.

    Aunt Hither-Thither packs the girls a basket before they go: tinctures and bandages and a canteen of vegetable stew that will never run cold or dry, whose flavor she describes as “nutritional.” Then she shows them the door. Before they know it, the girls are back where they started. It feels a little like the woods swallowed them up and spit them back out.

    Sisters walk in silence. Sweetbriar especially seems troubled. Her lower lip sticks out. The amulet hangs heavy around her neck.

    “What’s troubling you, little one?” asks Ivy after a time.

    Sweetbriar shoves her hands deep into the pockets of her dress. “If Aunt Hither-Thither’s magic is so great, how come we have to slay the Valravn alone?”

    “Perhaps her magic is not so great. Or perhaps…” Ivy shrugs, only slightly. But slightly is enough. “When Mama met the Valravn, Aunt Hither-Thither was there too.”

    “So?” Sweetbriar asks – but the clockwork in her head is starting to turn.

    “Aunt Hither-Thither didn’t slay him either. She told us that Mama has had to live with the guilt. But she didn’t mention anything about her own guilt.”

    Piecing it together: “Maybe Aunt let the Valravn live… and she isn’t even sorry about it?”

    “The mayor’s wife has no sorrow for what she’s done,” Ivy elaborates. “The well-compensated rarely do. Where do you think Aunt Hither-Thither got her great stores of magic?”

    “She said she made it all herself.”

    “That is what she said.”

    Sweetbriar hesitates.

    “But…”

    “But what, little one?”

    “Maybe Aunt’s not sorry because it’s not her fault. Mama is the big sister. She might have decided for both of them. She might have told Aunt what to do.”

    “Do you do everything I tell you to do?”

    Sweetbriar scowls on command. “No.”

    Ivy laughs merrily. “Oh Sweetie, you are incorrigible.”

    They walk a little farther, each lost in their own thoughts. The wood now once again conforms to the murky shapes on that map of soot and hide. Ivy can see them moving along its little line, like a cursor pulsing its way to a story’s inevitable conclusion. Sweetbriar has no notion of this at all. Her thoughts are on her mother and aunt, children themselves that long-ago day they stumbled upon a pitchy nest in the woods.

    What had happened when they spied the Valravn? Had it slept, and looked harmless, the way all babies do? Or did it open one yellow eye and promise them wishes – wishes with a condition only Aunt Hither-Thither was willing to accept? Suspicion gives a sick stomach to a child.

    “I don’t trust her,” Sweetbriar says out loud. She struggles to untie her amulet, desperately, as if it’s a millstone around her neck.

    “Sweetbriar, what are you doing?” Ivy shouts, but it’s too late. Sweetbriar chucks the bezoar as hard as she can, deep into the forest. It ricochets off a knotty tree trunk and disappears into the fallen leaves quite a ways away.

    “It was part of her plan,” Sweetbriar breathlessly announces. “Her plan to stop our quest. Maybe she enchanted it to make us fail, or get scared.”

    “Sweetbriar, how can you speak like that about your own aunt?” Ivy asks. But there’s something funny in the way she says it – something like pride. She’s taught her sibling well. “Go over there and look in the leaves. We need to examine it thoroughly before we jump to conclusions.”

    “Okay, but this’ll just prove me right. You’ll see.”

    Sweetbriar runs headlong into the forest, in the general direction of the bauble’s trajectory, her unkempt hair flying out behind her. The undergrowth is thick here, strewn with sticks and half-mulched deciduity. When her foot strikes the trap, she at first thinks it’s a branch snapping under her. Then the ground folds in – and the earth opens up – just like a room Redecorating itself.

    *

    What.

    *

    When Sweetbriar comes to, she sees her sister standing at the top of the hole, looking down at her. Silhouetted against the gloaming sky.

    “Can you move?” Ivy asks.

    Sweetbriar can’t even shake her head. She can feel the ooze from the crack in her skull.

    “Good.” Ivy throws in a rope and begins to climb down into the hole. Despite the difficulty of the task, she carries her empty snail bucket with her. “The Valravn prefers for the heart to be cut out while it still beats.”

    *

    This isn’t the story I thought I was telling.

    *

    When Ivy climbs back out, her blade is bloodied and her bucket is full. I gave her that dagger to protect herself, but it’s not just a dagger, is it? It got changed somehow. Into a hunting knife.

    Ivy doesn’t fill in the hole. She doesn’t need to. Even if you looked down there without falling in yourself – no small feat – you’d never see the child’s body under the invisibility cloak.

    *

    For some reason, Ivy walks through the forest with her little sister’s heart in a bucket.

    Fairy tales are full of female psychopaths. The witch with the spindle. The witch with the mirror. The witch with the gingerbread house. But it’s a strange thing, to witness that psychopathy in its beginnings. Psychopathy is too kind a word, in fact, because that suggests neurodivergence and the guiltlessness a diagnosis provides. This didn’t have to happen. This happening makes no sense.

    Ivy ties a red string to a bough. She’s just doing stuff at this point, as far as I’m concerned.

    *

    Why didn’t Aunt Hither-Thither go with the girls on their journey – Gandalf their hobbits, as it were? There’s no way she could have predicted this twist, but it was obvious enough they could use some adult supervision. Can we blame her? Should we blame her? Why is it that a woman always has to choose between her destiny, her creativity, her space – and watching the children? Even when the children aren’t her own?

    The amulet protected. The invisibility cloak hid. Aunt Hither-Thither told the truth: she made the magic all by herself. No good deed goes unpunished.

    *

    The Valravn is only able to hyperfocus late at night. He prowls the forest with every feather quivering like an antenna, drinking up the moonbeams, until the break of dawn. Then he returns to his cave nest, where he sleeps till afternoon in a bed of branch and bone. He understands human language, but his thoughts and emotions, if you can even say he has emotions, exist outside of language. That is what makes him supernatural. There will always be animals we haven’t discovered, but a beast like the Valravn isn’t an animal and he isn’t a person either. Even when we see him with our own eyes, he doesn’t fit the logic of our realm. He remains undiscoverable. That’s what makes him a monster.

    A human child has no such excuse.

    *

    Ivy is the villain of this piece. The villain, not the anti-hero. To make her an anti-hero, you’d have to remove every action that defines her. Strip Cruella of her furs.

    *

    Ivy arrives at the mouth of the Valravn’s lair, carefully sets the bucket on the stones. For crying out loud, does she plan to curtsy? When he emerges from the shadows, she mercifully does not. Maybe she’s too surprised. She has never seen a naked man before, but of course the Valravn is not a man, and perhaps not even naked. Plumage isn’t nudity, even when it covers a wolfish form.

    “I’ve brought something for you,” she says, and steps back from her offering. She watches as he stoops to feed. He didn’t eat the other hearts raw. None of them were this tender. Did Ivy’s red string foretell the sight of his raptorial maxilla tearing this muscle to bloody shreds? Whoever coined the expression “eats like a bird” clearly never saw a ravenous one.

    The Valravn rolls his neck and stretches back up to his full height, or at least the full height his cave will allow. He does not transform into a stygian knight, but the meal has affected some change in him, infused him with a brief magnanimity. A beastly courtesy. His yellow eyes are twin suns, suns from another galaxy, dead suns still flickering in the night sky. Wishing suns. It is time for Ivy to get her heart’s desire. What will it be? What could it be? I don’t dare to hazard a guess.