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  • Four Poems – Elaine Equi

    “T” AS IN TAUT

        for Tom Clark

    To hold the line steady

    through countless
    poem-years.

    Not a slacker,
    he taught us that –

    as one who truly 
    stands by his word

    when words
    seldom mean what
    they’re meant to.

     

    JITTERMAGNET

    Chaos amulet.

    Nervous soda —

    sipped like static
    through a straw.

     

    BLANK BAG

    I dream of losing
    my purse again.

    Have gone out
    without my personhood.

    Am just a penniless
    ghost again,

    unable to buy
    a return-ticket.

    The sales counter
    is the border
    of this country.

     

    EVERY REVERIE

    Stuffs the ears
    with cotton candy –

    unheard of
    sweetness

    that liquifies
    the brain first,
    then the body.

    Life as an amoeba
    was good.

    After that, too many
    worries — lost
    in a complex forest.

  • Found Object

    Found Object

    There I was at the Chelsea Flea Market, rummaging through a box of paperbacks. Most of them were bad, of course, but then there was that one. Faux-leather, palm-sized. Grayish words stamped on the outside that once were yellow? orange? They said this: Leroi, Flesch & Co Insurance 55 Liberty St. New York, NY 10005. And on the first page, this: 1965 Diary with Special Insurance Data from Leroi, Flesch & Co. Below, a boy had written Robby’s, the letters wavering even though he’d printed them with care.

         And so for 50 cents I bought this boy’s diary. A flabby man wearing a T-shirt transparent with age named the price, took my money. Would have charged me a nickel if I hadn’t gasped when I opened it.

     

    Flip through and see what Robby drew.

         There are maps.

         Here is his neighborhood: green rectangles for lawns, squares topped with triangles for houses.

         Here is Paris, France. The Eiffel Tower rendered as a capital A. A furious scribble (we went here the Louvre museum). An arrow proudly points the way to our Hotel!

         Here is the Way to Witches Land. A thick, serpentine road. Beside a hairpin turn, Robbie has drawn a crossed-out car with a warning: witches want you to crash. After a forest of lollypop trees, another warning: No Trail Going to get lost.

         The boy has also drawn maps for New York, Nevada, Alaska. You come to the map he calls Robert’s Land on Thursday, June 24, 1965. There, a star inscribed in a circle indicates Robertville, the town capital.

        But every page is his geography.

    Robby Schwarz sits at the third desk in row 7, the last row. To his right is Susan C. (Susan H. sits in front of her). There are two blackboards and a wardrobe. The teacher is a stick figure with no mouth and three little loops for hair.

         Robby will have five classroom jobs in 1965: Leader, Wardrobe Monitor, Book Monitor, Out of the Room Monitor and TV Monitor. Underneath his classroom sketch is a typeset message from Leroi, Flesch & Co: Life Insurance rates are based on age. Buy now!

         With Robby’s diary in your hands, you are a time-traveler. You peer into the past, foretell the future. You know, for example, that Robbie will learn Spanish this year. You read the lists:

    la silla – chair 
    la papel – paper 
    el lapiz – pencil
    la maestra – teacher

    And the dialogues:

    Q: Do you have a dog?
    A: Si.
    Q: What is his name?
    A: Sellama Jespa.

         When school is almost out, on Sunday, May 16, 1965, Robby Schwarz will see the Twenty-Fourth Spring Concert at Queens College. He will copy into his diary the program: Berlioz Op. 2. Joseph Surace, Organ. Carl Eberl, Conductor. Polynesian Dances. Intermission. This year Robby will take violin lessons. He will learn all the musical notes. He will remember, when holding the instrument, to keep his thumb bent.

          But enough predictions about what will be.

          Flip through the diary backwards and you are in the past again: Robby has been to Trafalgar Square, Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament. To Niagara Falls. To a Snowy Park Monument in Colorado. To Lhasa, Tibet, and Davos, Switzerland. Robby has also explored interior landscapes, illustrating the circuitry in his radio, the steering coils in his television set. Ah, the jittery itch of precocity! The insatiability of privilege, wild leapings from one page to the next!

         You imagine him traveling the world with his parents. You imagine him in hotel rooms, lonely, drawing in his diary.

         Close the diary. Listen closer now.

         Can you hear his mother?

         (“What a Picasso my Robbie is! A drawing of the England Garden!”)

         Can you hear Robbie?

          (“Looklooklook here look.”)

          (“What a pretty blue,” she goes on.)

          (“And this one here look look.”)

          (“Mm yes, I see.”)

          (“I can say them fast Plutoneptuneuranusjupitermarsearthmercuryvenus.”)

     

    Flip to July 16, 1965. There is the typeset message from Leroi, Flesch & Co: Augment Social Security benefits with Life Insurance! Above, Robbie has drawn the front page of the Robert Daily Chronicle. It looks like this:

    ROBERT SCHWARZ SR. DEAD

    Our beloved President Robert Schwarz Sr. died today at the age of 43 because of a heart attack. The doctors said it was a heart attack from strain. Our newly elected president will be Robert Schwarz Jr.

     By R. S. Junior.

         The creepiness is not lost on you. Did Robbie’s father die on July 16, 1965? Or was Robbie committing an act of imaginary patricide? So you flip through this boy’s diary one last time to get the whole scope of it, to take one last look at this Spanish-speaking, violin-playing, eight-year-old globe-trotter. Memories as they are recalled, histories as they are written, have a way of leaving things out, after all. Always, there is wishing and there is memory, but it is difficult to tell the difference.

  • For Love of Stalin

    As a child, the teachers in primary school taught us the slogan, “as Children of the Revolution, Stalin loves and protects us.” We all repeated it every morning after the national anthem.

    Before that, as a toddler, I had stopped speaking gibberish and began to pronounce words. My father sat at the dinner table in our home wearing his overalls. He worked as a carpenter and drank straight out of a more-than-half-empty bottle of vodka.

    “Stop Stalin dead,” I said.

    “I heard that!” he said.

    I felt a sting on my head. The next thing I can remember, I hung upside down in the chicken coop by a rope tied by my feet in the cold.

    “Daddy!” I said.

    He stood there for what seemed forever while steel wire held me suspended in the air. He left and came back with a cup of probably vodka. After I stopped crying, he untied my legs, and took me down.

    “To denounce the Great Leader is a horrible crime and must be punished,” he said.

    I believed him from that day on. I felt grateful for my father teaching me lessons that way. Whenever he searched for reasons to discipline me, he often found them. My childhood hardened me, toughened me up for what I would eventually do.

    I knew Stalin personally although I never met him in person. His image adorned everyone’s wall. His eyes peered into the soul. Everyone knew and loved him. All the prominent newscasters on the radio and newspapers told us of the wonderful things he did. He enjoyed smoking tobacco and drinking like me. I always imagined him having a glass full of vodka and a smoke with me as I gazed at his picture in front of my dining room table. Stalin’s genius guided the progress of our Great Nation.

    When I first learned from the newspaper, the Pravda, that sinister forces plotted against our Glorious Leader, I felt sick to my stomach. What could I do to help? The need for decisive action started after the assassination of Sergey Kirov, Stalin’s dear friend, by conspirators in high ranks of the government. I also read about the job opportunities in the interrogation department of the People’s Commissariat for Internal Affairs, known by the acronym, NKVD. This agency protected the Revolution from spies and saboteurs. I submitted my application and got hired in a day. My new career choice pleased me because I hated my job as a custodian at the health clinic. They ignored my criminal record of assaulting a man while I was drunk outside a bar—I probably should have put it on my resume. I got the opportunity to protect the Revolution in the exciting counter-espionage field.

    The man who previously filled my position, Dimitri Malenkov, went missing along with most of the “Old Guard” NKVD personnel. These people were all associated with the conspirators who killed Kirov. The rest of them confessed to espionage and high treason. They all died, even that pornography obsessed Yagoda, the previous head of the agency. The old boss confessed to charges of treason and murder publicly in the “Trial of Twenty-One” along with twenty other counterrevolutionaries. The Soviet Supreme Court ordered them to be shot like rabid dogs. His replacement as chief, comrade Nikolai Yezhov, searched his old boss’s house and found thousands of nude photos of women. I listened to the trial on the radio when the Ministry of Information broadcast it to the whole country. These proceedings served as a shining example of the Soviet justice system that I felt glad to be a part of.

    I worked in the Lubyanka, a trapezoid-shaped building built around courtyards with thick green walls and deep cellars. It was once the headquarters of the All-Russia Insurance Company before the Revolution. Columns and arches decorated the exterior around each window. Parquet floors with rectangular designs came under my boots when I went through the main entrance each day. This building of bourgeois origin’s ceilings had decorative murals of nymphs playing and dancing on the edge of a forest. Administrative offices on the floors above the basement provided the space for all the employees doing the paperwork.

    The basement depths held a labyrinthian expanse of cells. Its thick cement walls stifled the groans and cries of our interrogated prisoners. No natural light penetrated here. The halls reeked of disinfectant and the rooms were overheated. A strong lamp with the switch outside the cell lit up the prisoner’s enclosure above a small table for questioning. Prisoners subsisted on black bread that was stored in a small pantry on the first floor.

    A spiral staircase connected to a cellar for us to put a revolver to the back of the neck of the executed. The chamber had a heat lamp and a desk at the center and a blue tarpaulin floor. It was the chief source of the smell of disinfectant since the place needed to be cleaned after every use. Custodians would come and wipe the floors with mops.  

    Throughout my tenure as an employee there, we always followed a strict protocol. A troika of officers in the field would decide the charges the soon-to-be prisoners faced. Once at the Lubyanka, they were seen by an inspector in the reception area and documented, fingerprinted, and then cavity searched. We dragged them down the stairs in their underwear and put them in a cell.  My coworkers and I would interrogate them until they gave up and confessed. In the rare case they would not give up, the prisoners would be brought down deeper on the quiet floor where the guards talked to each other with clicks of the tongue and sent back up to us at least once a day. This way, the rooms of our floor were always full of new prisoners. They signed a white paper listing their charges to make their confessions official. Sometimes the note got red with blood. After these procedures, a judge reviewed their cases to determine the best course of action to deal with them.

    It took me only a few interrogations to recognize the innocence of most of the prisoners. Kicking someone on the floor or punching a man in the face did not always bring the truth out of them. The lucky ones went to the Gulag while the rest died by execution. I noticed, as time went by, more and more people came through inspection and into the cellars. My work hours increased from fifty to a hundred hours a week. Our job became more demanding since we now needed a staggering twenty people to confess per shift to meet our quotas.

    What could justify this grand commitment? Think of cancer. To treat cancer, a doctor may have to amputate an arm or a leg. Espionage and other crimes against the state were like a malignant tumor. If the doctor did nothing, the diseased tissue would spread through the body and kill the patient. We acted as the doctors treating the body of the Soviet Union. We may remove more tissue than what was afflicted by killing extra people, but how else can we be sure to rid the Soviet Union of the infection? We, as the Children of the Revolution, had a sworn duty to ensure Stalin’s vision of a new Socialist Utopia came true. 

    Those sinister forces existed everywhere. I read about them every day in the Pravda before I left for work. The newspaper dedicated at least a page to report on spies and saboteurs.  It provided countless editorials praising our heroic work in thwarting the anti-revolutionary forces.

    I showed up to the warm Lubyanka basement early for work that Moscow winter morning. I had just finished drinking a few mouthfuls of vodka from my flask to loosen myself up for a long day’s work. I brought a small container for a single shift or, in this case, three for the double I worked that day. The breakroom’s pale-yellow walls, wooden floor, large dining room table with glasses, and sink provided us NKVD agents with a place to take a break from our stressful jobs to drink vodka with our cigarettes and socialize. The room’s old-fashioned ornamental light with stained red glass hung over me. I wished the department supplied us with liquor. We all had to bring our own. Just about everyone drank in the breakroom. The cloud of tobacco smoke in the air that accumulated at the end of the morning shift often muddled my view of the white ornate ceiling and dimmed the light.

    Sometimes, the monotony got to me. An endless supply of prisoners needed our persuasion to confess. I divided the prisoners into two groups: the cooperators and the defiant ones. Sure, I might run into those cooperators that sign the white sheet the minute they see the dark green Lubyanka basement most of the time. However, the defiant ones who refused to confess unless you bludgeoned them with your fists came at least once a shift. They might even spit or bleed on my dry-cleaned uniform. Both types had one thing in common: they all signed the confession slip.

    I put my flask back in my uniform jacket and waited for my partner, Lavrentiy Ivanov. He always came in right on time. He worked longer hours than I did and rarely ever imbibed. I never saw him drunk. He tirelessly beat and questioned prisoners with an incredible fanatical devotion. Whenever I needed a break to relax and lighten the mood in the breakroom, he wanted to interrogate another prisoner. Whatever the situation, I could always light up a Troika cigarette and take a sip of vodka on the job, so I did not care. The day went faster after I drank a pint.

    I watched the grandfather clock strike eight in the morning in the breakroom. Lavrentiy came in as he always did. He walked right in front of where I sat.

    “Ready for another hard day’s work, Igor?” he said.

    “I sure am.”

    “Ok, we’ve got to see twenty prisoners from cell block A this shift. Our jobs are important, try not to get in a stupor this afternoon.”

    We got to the first ten prisoners one by one, all cooperators, and made quick progress on the quota that morning. I wanted to go to the breakroom to see the rest of the guys, but I knew Lavrentiy had his heart so set on a promotion to lieutenant that he would have us interrogate every last inhabitant of the Soviet Union on our shift if he could. We visited the eleventh prisoner in his cell. The man wore blue overalls. He had the look of fear in his eyes as he sat across the table.

    “I’ll sign anything you want. I’ve heard about this place,” The prisoner said.

    “You, Dimitri, confess fully to the charges of attempted sabotage? Put your signature here,” Lavrentiy said and pushed the slip to the prisoner. The condemned signed the document and gave it back.

    “We need the names of ten of your friends or acquaintances and any other details you can provide about them. Please write them here,” I said. 

    I passed him a sheet of paper and a pencil. He sat there scratching his head as he wrote them down and passed the paper back. Our prisoner wrote ten names in neat handwriting on the paper and circled the name, “Marien Balagula.”

    We had strict orders to get the names of at least ten other people from every prisoner. These unfortunate comrades or deserving criminals would get arrested the following day or even later the same day. If the incriminated person could not come up with these names, we would arrest all his or her neighbors. If an agent found an address book while searching their home with the required number of names in it, we had no need to interrogate them for it. If anyone worked as a spy or saboteur then, odds were, their closest friends did also. We had to be careful. Quotas had to be met.

    “Why is one circled?” I asked.

    “He will be difficult,” Dimitri said.

    “Why?” Lavrentiy said.

    “I grew up with him. He never started fights, but other kids would beat him up. He would usually lose but never gave up until he was knocked unconscious. You guys might have a hard time with him. After he broke someone’s nose, he gave up fighting completely. Marien used to be a fall-over drunk until our Stalin became leader. He told me he stopped because he wanted to better serve the Great Genius—to be a good, useful Communist,” Dimitri said.

    “We are grateful for your information but based on your crimes you will probably be sent to hard labor for ten years,” Lavrentiy said.

    “That is better than getting put in an unmarked grave, I guess,” Dimitri said.

    We left the cell and locked the door behind us.

    “Easy day,” Lavrentiy said.

    I took a long swallow from my third flask.

    “Yes, more like him and we will fill up all the Gulags and run out of bullets,” I said.

    I remembered the morning clearly, but that afternoon my memory got fragmented. I recollect talking to a prisoner about the whereabouts of a probable spy ring—but forgot the topic of the conversation in mid-sentence. My partner took over on my behalf and asked the person we questioned the name of the organization he talked about. He said he worked for the East India Company after I recall him telling us he had acted alone. We both knew he just made that up, so Lavrentiy knocked the desk over and kicked him square in the face. When prisoners lied to us, and they did frequently, my partner responded with violent rage. Although he never really cared when I did not tell the truth to him about how much I drank anytime he asked. The proceeds of the rest of the interrogation remain a mystery to me.

    A great deal of time passed during which I have no recollection. I regained cognizance as we walked the halls towards the next prisoner’s cell. As we paced the halls, I took a drink and Lavrentiy gave me a bad look.

    “You usually knock the prisoner to the floor when you punch them in the face. You did not do that in the last interrogation,” he said.

    “It’s nothing,” I said.

    “Do you love Stalin?”

    “Of course.”

    “Show him that you do—stop getting so drunk on the job. More than half this department is inebriated by noon.”

    The next moment I can recall, a prisoner’s hand lay extended in front of me on the table. I grabbed it and stuck my lit cigarette into it.  The prisoner cringed and tried to pull his hand back.

    “Igor—Igor—he is a cooperator Igor—he gave us everything we need,” Lavrentiy said.

    I let him go. Next thing I knew, we stood in front of a cell at the end of block C.

    “Prisoner number thirty-eight on our list, Marien Balagula. Charged with high treason, aiding the enemy, subterfuge, sabotage, and inciting a revolt. He will go to the cellar for sure,” Lavrentiy said.

    I ran out of vodka. My mind came back, and I usually remembered when I got to the last drop. Running out angered me. I wanted to make this prisoner suffer.

    We opened the door and sat down with Marien.

    “Stalin is with me, I won’t con—” our prisoner said.

    I got up and punched him from across the table. His chair flipped backwards, and he fell off it to the floor.

    “I’m sorry—you were speaking?” I asked.

    “Our Wise Leader will punish you for doing this to an innocent man,” Marien said. 

    Our prisoner stood up with his fist clenched.

    “He’s not going to help you, scumbag,” I said.

    “The Gardener of Human Happiness watches over all of us,” Marien said.

    “You are a traitor, charged with high treason. The reward for that is death. Give in and we’ll make it easy and painless,” I said.

    “This is just a terrible mistake; the Brilliant Genius of Humanity will fix everything,” Marien said. “You are the people betraying our Leader. You may be NKVD agents, but I am a truth teller—a vicar of Stalin—telling people about the wondrous things the Master Planner of Communism is doing! I let anyone know who will listen about the Savior of the Russian People. My neighbor, Vladimir, couldn’t read. He didn’t even have a radio—and I enlightened him about our Glorious Leader! Now he believes as the many I’ve shown do.”

    I threw another punch at Marien’s face. He grabbed my fist in mid-air, turned around to my side, and twisted me around the table in an armlock. I stood hunched over as he applied pressure on my hand. A stinging pain went up my appendage. I looked at the floor.

    “This is mine—come any closer and I’ll break it,” Marien said.

    Lavrentiy grabbed the prisoner’s hands and tore them off me. I regained control of my appendage. We threw Marien to the floor. Lavrentiy and I spent an exhausting half hour kicking him. This prisoner’s interrogation marked the first time in a while I ever broke a sweat beating a defiant one. I needed the exercise after all these easy interrogations, but both my legs throbbed after the encounter. My body had to stay strong to protect the Revolution and serve Stalin.

    “There is much more from where that came from—I promise you. Going to confess?” Lavrentiy said.

    Our prisoner lay there on the floor, motionless, and bleeding from the nose and mouth.

    “Not to these ridiculous charges or anything! You people don’t deserve to be State Security agents!” Marien said.

    We went to the break room. Geliy, an older interrogator, sat in an armchair smoking a cigarette and drinking a tumbler of what looked like whiskey.

    “Hey comrades! I never see you guys here,” Geliy said.

    “Probably because we are busy working.” Lavrentiy said.

    “Very funny—” Geliy said.

    “Is that what I think it is? English, Irish?” I said.

    “English; aged twenty years—cost me a lot of rubles on the black market. Want some?” Geliy said.

    He knew my next question. I not only wanted to taste it, I needed to drink to unsettle my nerves. 

    “Of course,” I said.

    He handed me the bottle. I poured myself a tumbler full of it and gulped it down. The whiskey tasted like sweet wood. I liked it, lit up a cigarette, and smoked with him.

    “That stuff is great,” I said.

    “We are here because we are having trouble with a strongly defiant one,” Lavrentiy said.

    “Oh, those. I like them. I can have a go at him,” Geliy said.

    “No! He’s ours! We are fully capable of getting him to confess,” Lavrentiy said.

    “Charges that would lead to execution?” Geliy said.

    “Yes,” I said.

    “Well, you could always sign the confession for him. They keep the slip but will not check its authenticity,” Geliy said.

    “That’s forgery. That is just wrong, and I am no criminal,” Lavrentiy said. “We should check the handbook on how to deal with this problem.”

    I grabbed the manual on top of the bookshelf next to me.

    “Get to the chapter on nonlethal alternatives to kicking and punching. Please read it aloud,” Lavrentiy said.

    Under the chapter 10 subsection xii heading, “Alternative Interrogation Methods” went as follows:

    If beating a prisoner fails to produce the desired results, it means the interrogator must try new methods of extracting the truth out of them. The first one to attempt is a mock execution. Devalue the prisoner and blindfold him or her. Bring him or her to a cold room and tell the captive that they will be shot if they move. They can be left blindfolded for hours without the personnel necessary to—

    “That’s it. We could do that and leave him in a cellar to get other confessions,” Lavrentiy said. 

    Executions never occurred anywhere except the kill room, but we got a large black blindfold, rifles, and a wooden wash bucket out of the supply cabinet and went to Marien’s cell. He sat there on the ground, twiddling his thumbs next to the chair in his underwear.

    “Have you come to release me?” Marien said.

    “No, you worthless piece of excrement. Fighting us is useless and you are not leaving here alive,” Lavrentiy said.

    “You are going to another room. Stand on the bucket, and if you move, we will shoot you,” I said.

    “Stalin will protect me,” Marien said.

    We brought him into a chilly concrete room near the staircase, tied a handkerchief around his head, and turned him to face the wall. I lit up a cigarette as both of us watched him stand.

    I finished smoking, and we sneaked out to interrogate other prisoners. We came back a half hour later to see our prisoner pacing back and forth with his blindfold off.

    “I knew I was not going to be executed. The Dear Father saved me,” Marien said.

    I took my partner aside. Both of us were frustrated and tired after the long day.

    “We had better ask the boss for the extension before we clock out,” I said.

     “He is unusually difficult,” Lavrentiy said. “I mean, there are people yelling at us and fighting us for days, but no one is foolish enough to believe Stalin protects them here. Even the people trying to fake their devotion to Stalin break down after the first day.”

    Lavrentiy filled out the paperwork and I went upstairs to get the approval on the interrogation’s extension. The clerk took it for processing. I went back down to get my jacket and smoke in the breakroom. In mid-cigarette, a young courier in a neat NKVD uniform came in and asked for my name and gave me a quick notice for indefinite approval. This happened often enough, but I noted the speed at which the request came back at us.

    ***                    

    We finished most of our rounds and stood in front of Marien’s steel-reinforced cell door. Lavrentiy kicked it to wake him up and we busted inside. Our prisoner sat in wait in the corner of the cell curled up. Lavrentiy held his hands up and put brass knuckles on each of his fingers.

    “It’s time to answer our questions,” I said.

    “There’s no need for any,” Marien said.

    “Sure there is,” I said.

    Lavrentiy got down and punched the prisoner in the face.

    “Tell us what Stalin’s birthday is,” I said.

    Marien had a nosebleed. He wiped the drips of blood coming onto his lip. He continued to sit there.

    “It’s the eighteenth of December 1878,” Marien said.

    My partner punched the prisoner again.

    “Correct, but do you know what time?” I asked.

    “No one does,” Marien said.

    I kicked the prisoner across the face with my boot. He lay across the floor.

    “What is Stalin’s favorite book?” I asked.

    “The Knight in Panther Skin by—” Marien said.

    Lavrentiy jumped on and put his knees on top of the prisoner’s shoulders. He decked him across the face.

    “By—by Shota Rustavel. Just one of them,” Marien said.

    “You are lying and not just about yourself but about your personal work with the capitalist spy ring,” I said.

    “No! No! No—I am not,” Marien said.

    “I am talking about the forces you conspired with,” I said.

    “You two think you are serving Stalin, the Leader of All Progressive Mankind, but you are not—instead, you are leading the Proletariat over a cliff,” Marien said.

    The prisoner spit out blood to his side.

    “I am keeping the Revolution alive and going until it can spread to Germany,” I said.

    “You are undermining justice in our Great Nation,” Marien said.

    “Give me a brass knuckle,” I said.

    Lavrentiy took the weapon off one of his hands and gave it to me. I took a deep breath and grabbed the prisoner by the neck. The piece of metal gave weight to my fist and helped me bring down havoc on Marien’s ribs and nose. My hands got red stains on the outsides of them. 

    *** 

    I saw the custodian walking around the hall with pincer pliers and a ball-pein hammer on his belt. I got the man’s attention.

    “I think we’re going to have to commandeer your tools, sir. A defiant prisoner awaits us,” I said.

    “This is not approved by the manual,” Lavrentiy said.

    “We should improvise. We could be inventing new methods and furthering the art of our occupations. Enough of the old grind,” I said.

    “Fine. Everything up until now has been ineffective,” Lavrentiy said.

    “How long?” the custodian said.

    “Just for a few hours,” I said. “And we need rope.”

    “There’s twine in the supply closet,” the custodian said.

    We took the materials we needed and put them in a shoebox. I could hear Marien humming the tune to the Internationale as we approached his cell. I kicked the door and we came in. Our prisoner sat in the interrogation chair in front of the table, waiting for us.

    “What hand do you write with, Marien?” I said.

    “My right…” Marien said. “What’s that?”

    “It’s a box of party favors,” I said.

    “Party?” Marien said.

    “Yes, and we’re all here to celebrate,” Lavrentiy said.

    “It’s the day Lenin passed away and Stalin took leadership of our Great Nation,” I said.

    “It’s already the twenty-fourth of January?” Marien said.

    “Yes,” I said.

    I opened the box and took the twine out.

    “Stay in the chair while I secure you,” I said.

    I tied the prisoner to the flimsy wood piece of furniture with the whole spool and put tight knots in the layers of twine without slack. Marien’s hands were free to be on the table.

    “We are only doing Stalin’s bidding,” I said.

    “You have the wrong man,” Marien said.

    “You are lying to us about what you think—about who you are,” Lavrentiy said.

    “I am Marien Balagula, a shoe factory worker. I stitch the soles to leather. I believe in the Dictatorship of the Proletariat led by Stalin. The Inspirer and Organizer of Victories is everywhere.”

    “Stalin is not here,” Lavrentiy said.

    “But he is transcendent,” Marien said.

    I removed the top off from the box and took out the pliers. They had curved ends to them and looked like a semi-circle when I opened them. Lavrentiy got the hammer.

    “Open up and don’t move or I’ll make this worse,” I said.

    “This is insanity,” Marien said.

    “This is the way things are, as Stalin willed it,” Lavrentiy said.

    My partner raised the hammer and hit Marien on his left hand against the desk. I heard a bang. The prisoner cringed and took back his arms away from the table.

    “Keep your left hand on the desk! Open up!” I said.

    Marien did not lower his jaw. I jammed the metal instrument in his mouth, I went for his front teeth, and pulled hard to yank them out. Our prisoner flinched and the tool slipped off.

    “Look at me. What is Louis Armstrong’s real name?” I asked.

    “I don’t kn—” Marien said.

    Lavrentiy delivered a blow to the center of Marien’s left hand with the round part of the hammer. Marien flailed his arm in pain.

    “Don’t move,” I said. “Let’s put him on the floor.”

    I hit him in the lips with the end of the pliers and broke a piece of his teeth off. I kicked him to the floor off the table. He sat on the chair across the ground.

    “The Dear Father knows what you are doing is wrong,” Marien said.

    “He is only aware of what he is told. He ordered us to do this,” Lavrentiy said.

    “This is all just a test,” Marien said.

    “Stalin pays me to do this. I love my job. Look at my Rolex. See how it shines,” Lavrentiy said.

    My partner pulled down his sleeve and showed the prisoner his watch.

    “The Great Genius works in mysterious ways that no one man can understand. He thinks hundreds of moves ahead at chess,” Marien said.

    “This is the end of this game,” I said. “Open up.”

    I jammed the pliers into Marien’s mouth and gripped his bottom front teeth with the pliers and put my foot on his head. I pulled with all my strength, up and down, until the two teeth were freed.

    “You won’t need these when you’re dead,” I said.

    “Stalin will punish you for what you do. He has a plan for me,” Marien said.

    Blood dripped onto the floor from the condemned one’s mouth. The way the prisoner lay, shaking in pain; it had a ghastly beauty with the way the shadows came in from the lamp, like a gory surrealist painting about a dream-like object.                                                 

    ***

    A few weeks went by and Marien got thin on the Lubyanka bread diet and continued to have an empty smile. Lavrentiy and I ran through the door to pay him a visit. The prisoner gave a grim look of desperation and futility across his face and greeted us with raised eyebrows and a deep frown. Marien crept up from the ground.

    “Not happy to see us?” I said.

    I lit up a cigarette and took out one of my flasks.

    “Want to have smoke or a drink with me?” I asked.

    “I don’t do that,” he said.

    “At any time you want, I’ll stop what we’re doing and give you a few shots,” I said. “It’s good grain vodka.”

    “That won’t be necessary,” Marien said.

    “Or maybe I’ll pour it down your throat,” I said.

    “He won’t like you if you don’t drink with him,” Lavrentiy said.

    Marien had no response and stared into the ground. 

    “Let’s see if your hand is still broken,” I said.

    I put the cigarette in my mouth. I grabbed Marien’s left index finger and pulled it backward. The prisoner let out a shrill scream.

    “Oh, it hasn’t healed yet,” I said.

    Marien looked away from me, turning his face. I put my foot behind the prisoner’s feet and pushed him on the ground. The condemned one fell, and I stepped over him. I shoved the lit end of my cigarette onto his cheek. The spear of tobacco bunched up and stopped smoking.  Our prisoner recoiled. I littered the ground with the butt. Lavrentiy came around and kicked Marien in the head.

    “Nothing really matters—there isn’t meaning to any of this. Give up already,” Lavrentiy said.

    “The Mastermind of Socialism will help move civilization past capitalism, if you would let him,” Marien said.

    “You are a blood sacrifice,” Lavrentiy said.

    “The Wise Man of Steel would never have me bring false witness against myself,” Marien said.

    “Stalin made an unfortunate mistake,” Lavrentiy said.

    “There are no coincidences, only the will of the Father of Nations,” Marien said.

    “Stop the suffering,” I said.

    “I have devotion to the one and true Premier of the Soviet Union. I am not your target,” Marien said.

    “You were brought in here by agents in the field,” Lavrentiy said.

    “I was apprehended with two other men while I was helping a blind man with his groceries from the store across from my house,” Marien said. “Three NKVD agents came to me, said my name, and threw me to the ground. They handcuffed me and brought me here without telling me why I was arrested.”

    “It’s senseless, isn’t it?” Lavrentiy said.

    “There’s a reason I’m here to meet you all,” Marien said. “The Grand Architect of Progress will let me go once I have proven myself. He sees all that we cannot.”

    “Stalin is just a man who hired us to kill you,” Lavrentiy said.

    “The Great Benefactor has a design for the world,” Marien said.

    ***

    One day on the way back from work one early morning, I walked past a banner of “Iron Felix” Dzerzhinsky hanging on the masonry above the subway stairs. The picture never really caught my eye until now. The man presided as head of the CHEKA, the organization that kept Soviet Russia intact during those early days of the Revolution. It eventually got replaced by the NKVD. What would he do?

    I drank in my living room later that night looking at my picture of Stalin. The exhausting and frustrating times during the day I had trying to get Marien to sign the slip affected me. I grew fond of him and looked forward to my time with him. Since he was a meek man of gentle persuasion, I regarded him as one of the unlucky ones, undeserving of his fate. He fit the definition of a good Communist. He never gave up and argued with us at every turn, but no one ever held up believing Stalin would save them. 

    I saw my hacksaw inside my utility closet behind my fishing gear.

    ***

    I showed up to work early the next morning with the cutting instrument in a knapsack. Lavrentiy had arrived there earlier than me and sat at the desk in the breakroom surrounded by papers. I stood next to him, drinking from my flask.

    “Marien has gained notoriety. Geliy and the others are talking to him outside of his cell. They are fascinated with him,” Lavrentiy said.

    “He’s unbreakable. We could just wait until he starves to death.”

    “That would be a betrayal of the justice system.” He gave me a half grin. “Worst of all, it would make us look bad to our superiors.”

    “I think we’ve had him here since the beginning of January and now it’s the seventeenth of February.”

    “We’ve had him for forty days.”

    “Every defiant one we’ve had gave up in, at most, three days. If three days is a lifetime then forty days is an eternity.”

    “It’s an embarrassment.”

    “I have a lot of respect for him.”

    “He’s the excess fat on a filet mignon that must be cut off.”

    “What are you doing?”

    “I’m looking for Marien’s arrest order.”

    “Good. I brought this in.” 

    I took out my hacksaw from the knapsack and put it on the table in front of him.

    “Nice touch, though I doubt it’s an official method.” He picked up a paper and stared into it. His eyes lit up. “Here it is. Arrest authorized by none other than Iosif Vissarionovich Djugashvili himself!” 

    Stalin was rumored to sometimes sign warrants, and the reasoning and circumstances around this habit drew foggy speculation.

    “If this doesn’t break him then the Great Leader cannot help him regrow his legs.”

    “We can use this. We need to stop the insulting remarks and show others we are capable. We’ve been trying to put him through enough pain to sign the paper but with no results.”

    He folded the arrest order and put it in his pocket. We got up and walked to the front of Marien’s cell.  

    “I’ll do the talking,” he said.

    We opened the door and entered to see our prisoner standing there smiling.

    “Hello, comrades Lavrentiy and Igor,” Marien said. He sniffled and probably smelled the vodka I took a sip of before coming in. “Igor, you should give your heart to Stalin—I hate to hear what Sosa is going to do to you two after he hears what you have done to me. He has great plans for me.”

    “We came to talk about that,” Lavrentiy said.

    We all sat down at the table.

    “What about it?” Marien said.

    “Well, we hate to tell you—Stalin signed your arrest order,” Lavrentiy said.

    “I do not believe it. You are just playing tricks on me,” Marien said.

    “Look at the order,” Lavrentiy said.

    Marien took the paper and saw it. “That is… his signature—you are not lying to me.” His eyes widened. “In fountain pen….” 

    The prisoner appeared devastated and took a deep breath. I could hear him failing to hold back sobs.

    “Will you sign the paper now, please? We are both getting exhausted from trying to get you to confess to your crimes,” Lavrentiy said.

    “We both worked long hours, Marien. I need to spend time with my family. We have other prisoners to interrogate. Think of what we have to go through,” I said.

    “If it is Stalin’s will that I die, then I accept. He must know I will be a spy in the future,” Marien said.

    Our prisoner signed the order. The man loved Stalin so much that he endured an aeon of torture and accepted his sentence only because our leader himself signed his arrest warrant. I, too, loved Stalin with all my heart but I could not imagine going through his situation and continuing to unconditionally feel the same way for the “Great Genius.” The tough lessons my father gave me came into my head. I never had these strange stirrings of emotion to my memory. I began to understand the prisoner and felt sorrow for his fate. Something like this could happen to me and our leader would not save me.

    We submitted the signed confession to the inspector upstairs knowing what fate the judge would issue for our prisoner. The courier came back to the breakroom in less than five minutes and handed me the execution order bearing the red stamp underneath the judge’s signature. This mark meant death. I drank a whole flask to hide any emotional display. Lavrentiy sat there across the table from me looking satisfied as if he single-handedly foiled a plot to kill Stalin.

    “You drank that fast. Come on, we must get Marien. He truly has been a tough safe to crack,” Lavrentiy said. “Can you do the honors?”

    “… I will.” By doing Marien in, I could make sure he died as painless a death as possible. Lavrentiy never wanted to get his uniform bloody.

    I went to the supply cabinet and got out my pistol. We opened the door to see Marien with his hands covering his face. 

    “Alright, it is your time. Walk with us,” Lavrentiy said.

    Our victim followed us down the cylindrical stairs with his head down into the kill room. Stalin did not seem like a god among mortal men. He signed the death warrant of a man who loved him more than life itself. I wondered how many people we condemned had similar situations. The whole nation worshipped him, and we did these things in his name. Those who did not carry the same harmonious tune eventually ended up here. Even those who chanted in key could have wound up here if they were unlucky enough. We were the leader’s attack dogs.

    My stomach started to hurt. My eyes watered. I tried in vain to choke back tears. I wiped the ones that ran down my cheek away with my hands before my partner could see. I opened my last flask of vodka and guzzled it all right there.

    “You done?” Lavrentiy said. “Let’s get this over with.”

    I pushed Marien over the desk as he faced the piece of furniture and cocked back the hammer on the revolver with my arm. The prisoner looked back at me with the corner of his eye.

    “Any last words?” I said. 

    “I die still a patriot! For Stalin!” Marien said.

    I aimed at the prisoner’s neck, pulled the trigger, and let my victim’s lifeless body fall to the floor. 

  • Flash Philosophy: Commitment

    Commitment—one of those Jello-y concepts, the meaning of which seems plain as day until the day you might be asked to write about it. It sounds churchy, parental, and applying to business, legality, or marriage. I’m guessing that my first exposure to the word, or notion, as a child would probably have had something to do with being admonished to keep your promises. As an adult, it seems as if it might be nearly an Eleventh Commandment—Thou shalt honor thy commitments, or Thou shalt not go back on thy word. Like all the Commandments, it’s a thing that wouldn’t exist if people weren’t constantly violating it. If today’s political ridiculousness isn’t a good example of such violations, I don’t know what is. 

    But we fuck up our commitments because we’re human, riddled with foibles, and so often ruled by weakness and various ignoble urges. I liken commitment to the aforementioned Jello because commitment is one of those concepts that’s wiggly—a congealed salad, studded with morsels of morality and expectation, appealing to the high-minded few, but feared by the trepidatious many. And some of those supposedly delectable embedded nubs may be changes, the scary Maraschino cherries that is life, able to destroy commitment if we indulge. And most of us do, because we’re basically five-year-olds who want the cherries—we want what we want. After all, 98.6 of our DNA is the same as that of chimps. Admittedly, some changes are not our fault—we don’t expect Tina Turner to have honored her marital commitment to Ike, right? She didn’t have the deal that Tammy had—“Stand By Your Man,” or Dolly—“The secret to staying married is, don’t get divorced.” The wiggly problem with commitment is that it’s not a respecter of life changes. Shit happens.

    The subject brings to my mind two of my favorite literary characters, Bartleby and Oblomov, (the latter such a favorite that I’ve named a character in my recent novel after his creator, Ivan Goncharov—and he’s also appropriate subject matter for my beloved KGB  readers). These are two guys who have had to make a commitment, knowing that they really weren’t up to it. Or did they know? Bartleby assumes his job as a scrivener, but something happens—is it mental illness? Incompetence? Ennui? Exhaustion? Rebellion about unfair working conditions? Or just exercising a wish to be master of his own universe, repeating the maddening “I prefer not to” in the face of his commitment? And poor Oblomov, mostly languishing in bed, unable, or unwilling, to get up and attend to the affairs of his estate at Oblomovka, which badly declines from his neglect. What’s his problem? Protesting the terrible situation of his serfs, or the relentless burden of noblesse oblige? Depression? Disease? Laziness? Or perhaps he’s an early victim of our modern affliction, The Malaise, so well presented to us by Kierkegaard, Sartre, and Walker Percy. But then, on the other hand, maybe Bartleby and Oblomov are examples of the most committed humans of all—those who see themselves as superfluous, believing that nothing they can do in their lives will make any difference in a crazy world, so are deeply committed to not bothering? Jesus god—I don’t know. You tell me. 

    I could go on about commitment, but I prefer not to. I admit to being very attracted to Bartlebyism and Oblomovism, whatever the causes—I don’t want to get out of bed many days, especially these days, and I often disregard my commitments, like loading and unloading the dishwasher, or meeting writing deadlines. In fact, I see that my commitment to writing this little piece is two days overdue. Oh, well. Perhaps the world will be a better place if I just make another martini, perhaps smoke a cigarette, lie on the sofa and watch some more of Ken Burns’ Country Music…Maybe I’ll send this, maybe not…Will it matter? Do I care?  Sigh. “Ah, Bartleby! Ah, humanity!” 

  • Five Poems – Ruth Vinz

    Five Poems – Ruth Vinz

    Just Imagine
     
    “The moon is blue cheese,” my mother says, beams
    of moon sharpen her smile as her hand flashes another push of our
    granddaughter into the night sky. Who goes for a midnight swing
    except a grandmother when a great granddaughter asks?
     
    The swing cuts through air, suspended. Glistening against moonlight
    our granddaughter’s auburn curls wave in the glow. A tingling hum
    of chirping in the distance. Up she goes again. Back and forth, back
    and forth, against the creak of swing.
     
    At three, she reckons with blue cheese, swirls the idea in her mouth
    and frowns. A long silence. “The moon is stone, Nana.” Her voice
    cuts through quiet air—gently, without grievance. A faint star
    shimmers like jelly. I can almost hear its laughter.
     
    “The moon is a rock, Nana,” she thrusts her toes toward the sky
    and tips back far enough to see Nana behind her, waits for silence
    to cut air illuminated with the full-of-moon sky. Nana moves her lips,
    melts explanation into spinning declaration. “I love you.”
     
    For a moment nothing matters as her words catch corners of
    wind. If you saw them now, the younger flying, the elder feet
    planted firmly as she steadies herself for the next push, your eye
    might catch the brief touch of hand to hand forming an arc
     
    of balance in their banter. You would hear Nana say, “the moon must
    be green stone and blue cheese tonight.” You would see the same
    crooked curve of smile on each face and be dazzled by a flash of shooting
    star. Hear the younger whisper, “Nana, the moon is a stone but
     
    it’s import-an-t to imagine” and just then, you might almost see,
    from the corner of your mind’s eye, the moon, smiling. Up she goes
    again. Back and forth, back and forth, against the steading of feet
    and the creak of swing.
     
                                                    #
     
     
    Nothing Is Hidden Except The Visible
     
           Full Disk Earth, Apollo 17, 1972
     
    That photograph of Earth—placid, no beating heart of
    yearning, nothing moving on a rubble of continents conquered
    and named by those who never had this god’s-eye view. No
    signs of borders on the land; the axis of a spinning globe cycling
    day into night. Indigo waters roil as islands bob and glaciers melt.
    An almost invisible ship struggles through wisps of clouds turned
    perfect storm. Its mast splinters as the camera shutters its release.
    Forgive me for searching shades of umbre, indigo, the glaucous
    mists floating in shadows as if sunken Atlantis might suddenly
    appear with its own Crusoe planting foot on stone, as if a pirate
    in repose found buried bounty in the hidden made visible, as if
    a convergence of obsidian and ice could murmur in the dark, as if
    a kingfisher found its way to dip and rise in oceans of sky to cradle
    earth against a sudden fall or falter.
     
    Full Disk Earth—a reminder of how we miss the curves to focus
    on the flatness, not listening to the polar silences, not hearing
    whispers of gravity’s edge as we hold tight, astonished by a spinning
    vertigo as aperture gives way to bursts of light and momentary blindness
    shanks the earth akilter to become a marble hidden in a ball of dust,
    encased in fur tangles. Dusted off and gleaming, it hangs suspended
    between the thumb and index finger of some imagined god.
     
    Once your eyes adjust and clouds of understanding gather, you see
    the pretense everywhere. Look closely—a fisherman leans against
    his starboard bow, not seeing the cracks-in-wood where water might
    seep through. Imagine my two dogs lying, perfectly still looking up at me.
    Suddenly, there are three. The absent one from long ago returns for only
    a moment. In the silence—a strange humming. How the heart swells
    as the secret reveals itself: nothing is hidden except the visible.
     
                                                  #
      
    The Thought of Wolves
     
    Lift me, great Wind, past trees firing
    red. Lay me down into the clearing where
    I found them, three years ago, wolf pups
    curled there blossoming alive
    like blood plums, small mouths turned
    toward the blue of sky.   A rush of promise,
    of hidden pleasure in a grove now filled only
    with the thought of wolves.
    .
    Maybe we are meant to trudge among thoughts
    of wolves where no wolves are.  Breathe deep
    that forest grove where we might run or stand or
    hear birds sing—not in the shadow of madrone;
    not where we might build needle beds for rest
    but where we spin plums that linger on branches,
    looking like the late years of splendid women
    before their exquisite designs begin to fall.
    Close to the earth, there is never enough time
    for words. Not on the forest floor, not
    in the clearing, not where we hear the work
    of worms so close to Earth.  Only, at the
    edge of held breath do words fail. Only
    then, are we caught in wonder, Only
    then, can we feel the silk fur of imagined
    wolves, the precision of their ripe scent upon
    the heart.
                                       #
     
    Becoming The Meadow
     
    My uncle, ninety and a life-time
    hiker says on one of our last camping
    treks into the Sawtooths that he likes
    best the little place in his heart where
    he is forever twenty-three and
    wandering the woods.
     
    The courage of his swagger, with pine
    branch improvised into walking stick,
    taps into my heart-throat. All morning we
    wander over needle beds, toppled trunks,
    crouch at the stream, study sockeye
    salmon nests. We swim in synch, tiredness
    an afterthought. “I think this must be
    Heaven,” he says when we come up for air.
     
    I watch him doze after. Half a sandwich still
    in hand, head against a birch trunk. When he
    wakes, I read Robert Lowell aloud and he
    whittles. I think it beautiful—this day, this
    moment, this astonishing man with delicate
    black moss on his boots and his broad hands,
    the ones that taught me fly tying, and him leaning
    into the warm haze of late afternoon sun.
     
    “Look to the meadow,” he says suddenly. All
    the hues of the paint box. Twelve minutes
    precisely—violet, yellow, golden, green—then
    they are gone. We are awash in the geometry
    of how good things are
    just before they
    disappear.             
     

     
    Jezebel
     
    I’ve always loved the name Jezebel
    gently flicking off the tongue—Jezebel
    smooth like the oboe’s reed vibrating
    B flat against the lower lip. Jezebel rides
    where air creaks. A tremolo. Nothing
    so beautiful as Jezebel.
     
    Jezebel wears linen gloves. Her arms
    are cedar limbs where blackbirds wait
    not yet aware her hands sprout vines
    to grow round hearts—prisoners to
    Jezebel. No man buries his beak in her
    moonlight.
     
    Jezebel. Every woman dreams, half-afraid,
    to follow her, to conjure doubling rhythms,
    like a trick in scansion, weave siren songs
    through branches. Gentle are the harmonies
    and yet lightning and thunder roil behind.
    Jezebel. Say it before the sound sours.                       
  • Five Poems – Aleksey Porvin

    Bread and Salt

    People do not welcome the marching ranks

    with bread and salt—only a manure pile

    sprinkled with white snow recreates the image

    of hospitality that has lived for centuries.

     

    Birds circle above the border, then

    stretch into a line, lifting the frontier

    into the winter air, not expecting the shot

    that will scatter them to the corners of longing.

     

    The fibers of love and despair entwined

    into a strong thread that stitched together

    a family album that darkens under the falling snow

    cooling its charred edges.

     

    The only way to go out and meet them with bread

    is remembering how the soft inside breaks,

    how its pores were gathered together into a single whole

    by heat alone, heat not subject to words.

     

    The beating comes out of the chest, expanding,

    becoming this air that bares itself to their beaks,

    breathing with hidden heat

    like a fresh loaf served to guests.

     

    The birds carry off your heart

    in pieces pronounced in different languages,

    but it matters how they were once held together,

    what threads once sewed them up.

     

    The Road

    Our victory, in its colorless attire,

    without distinguishing features or identifiable language,

    is a process of transition from one into another.

    It concerns the most important words.

     

    But first it touches each heart, to see

    how its beat becomes an alternation between flowers

    and gunfire–does time move in that rhythm,

    washing colors and shades from the landscape?

     

    A woman and child among those trudging along—

    his cries buttoned up with bruises, but the blue sky

    and the white milk of far red villages

    are blended with his voice.

     

    The word “independence” becomes a thing

    people can trip over as they escape the front.

    The road wallows in fragments of trees,

    tattered paper, shattered glass.

     

    All these objects are smeared with soot

    from the blast that dressed everyone in night.

    Their former clothes are hung on a flagpole to dry in

    the combination of colors that once signified a flag.

     

    Animals Understand

    Many things are easier to acquire in childhood:

    a foreign—no, neighboring—language,

    impressions of day, thoughts of history

    in a country divided in two.

     

    There are scratches on the tree trunks

    left by bullets: we won’t read these

    lines, we won’t put them into letters: on the horizon

    allied banners loom mute.

     

    Animals understand: gotta keep biting to the end,

    not hand over territory, not let your body be torn apart

    —that’s why words love them,

    why they adopt this method of living.

     

    In times gone by, the chronicles

    of collective days were kept on birch scrolls.

    Yesterday, hungry children passing

    through these woods chewed young bark.

     

    What will the unrealized birchbark see?

    What signs will it accept? The marks of juvenile teeth,

    like those left on the hands of the marauders

    who went through the woods to the orphanage.

     

    What will the might-have-been birchbark see?

    The darkness in the stomachs of children

    who digested the thunder of guns and the shouts of soldiers.

    The silence isn’t hard to explain.

     

     Leaving the Church

     People were waiting for some bread, but the only grain

    to grind is news washed with blood.

    No matter what you do, everything tastes like salt,

    even the water finding its way out.

     

    Water won’t get lost in the cracks in the world

    that we call trenches, won’t get stuck

    at the exit from the enumeration of incomprehensible words,

    all troops have retreated from… and …estimated casualties.

     

    The man stepping out of the church will see

    the flags at half-mast—that means the sky

    hooked itself on them as it descended, dragged them down,

    wishing, perhaps, to press them into the earth.

     

    Water follows the sky towards the ground.

    After the late light, only the sound

    of a request doesn’t follow the general order,

    looks down at passports charred in the blast.

     

    The man sees how his words of prayer

    passed through an abundance of holes in the ceiling

    like flour through a sieve so the stones can be shed.

    Seeing it turns him to stone.

     

    What can he compare his citizenship to?

    To this church dome raked with machine-gun fire.

    There are so many cracks in it, his gaze gets lost,

    wandering them like a labyrinth inside a stone.

     

    The Philosophy of Geography

     The place we live will never be an object.

    It will be process of cognition—or, as a last resort,

    a thinking subject churning the seasons of the year,

    digesting words and actions.

     

    The flame that has passed through cities and villages choruses;

    it’s a whole hooting class, looking at the grownups

    as if they’d throw the ashes of every constitution on their faces

    just to cover the adult pallor that reminds them of winter.

     

    The teacher won’t ask them about their homeland’s borders—

    the boy from Bryansk in a shirt striped like a checkpoint’s gate bar,

    the girl from Donetsk with braids that hang in dotted lines

    like the ones grownups use to mark disputed boundaries.

     

    Full-blooded children’s talk, ruddy with feelings,

    stepping on the clarity of thought like troops

    on enemy territory–those are the marks of the subject

    to which every soldier swears his oath.

     

    Outside the window is spring, and all the objects on the street

    are trying to bring themselves back to life, forgetting

    they’ve already poured out all their tenacity for the people—but the teacher

    is only wondering what to teach children with a burnt map.

     

    Remove the barrier of absence, erase the tank tracks

    in other people’s soil with the tension of meaning (the approved meaning

    —what else is there?) and you can let love for a country

    that was never an object run through the riverbeds within you.

  • Five Poems – Anton Yakovlev

    I Hope You’re Wonderful

    These days, if I make my bed, I see your heart

    untucking itself from my pillow and falling out

    onto the defunct horse farm I only pretended to own

     

    when you were around. Our respective continents

    drift past each other in a planet of blood. You were

    too beautiful to wear anything, and so you took off

     

    my sunglasses. Now I live in the blinding weather

    your eyes were two years ago. Would that they were a cloud.

    Would that you were a self-conscious clown,

     

    a slumped ambassador from the reticent side of the wall.

    I wave at you with an irresponsible grin. Your hologram

    waves back at me from a New England cranberry bog,

     

    the only place where things made sense to you for a time.

    On the world’s worst mountain, they still remember

    the quickness of your eyes scanning the graves

     

    of the almost-successful climbers. A mere outline of a man

    climbed alongside you, lighter than a day off.

    Later, when you whispered despair to me in the car,

     

    love fell out of my ear into our shared coffee.

    You climbed your ladder high enough

    to see us both in the coffin.

     

    None of this really matters.

    Your shadows sprinkle the desert.

    I never asked you the questions you were convinced

     

    I swatted you with, never fitted my truck with trinkets of you.

    Revisiting all the places we had tucked each other in,

    I keep my hazard lights on. You wouldn’t want to

     

    talk to me, anyway. I don’t care to meet

    the horrid bird you plan to become this year.

    I never thought of our intertwined fingers

     

    as a ladder to anything other than ourselves.

     

    He Takes His Coffee With No Half & Half

    That shirt she wore the night he saw her with

    that other man hangs on their kitchen chair

    like mold on an archaic torso’s plinth:

    “Until you change your life, I’m always there!”

     

    She makes him deviled eggs and bubble tea,

    spreads almost-butter on his salty toast.

    Even her scowl is lovelier to see

    than his own face last year, when he was lost,

     

    when he equivocated every word,

    smashed china every time she disappeared.

    Now he’s still dying, but he isn’t bored.

    He takes luxurious time brushing his beard.

     

    He goes to work and doesn’t stab himself.

    He drives his car not into other cars.

    He knows there is no God. Is there a hell?

    He leaves that to the Sgt. Pepper hearts.

     

    He’s still the man. He’ll prove it to his wife.

    Soon she’ll stop not coming home till four.

    She’ll sit down next to him, remove his “Life

    Is Good” T-shirt, and throw him on the floor.

     

    After

    We board the ferry with nothing further to hide

     

    A passing truck means everything to someone

     

    The ferryman of death stands by in his coma

     

    Albatrosses hang everywhere

     

    We spoke through tremors

     

    You ate from the sky’s dead hands

     

    Now fortunes hang in lanterns

     

    Humans walk around without language

     

    I fall asleep on the headstone of your hypocrisy

     

    I’ve Sat on This Perch for Decades, and Now It’s Time to Get Up

    I told him it wasn’t me bending into the world.

    He was too busy rolling his eyes to hear.

    He was a demolished movie theater

    gone slightly radioactive. All the park benches were empty,

    and all the road kill had been cleared away.

     

    We ignore the dim bespectacled eyes. One day,

    the departed play poker on their own monuments:

    A haircut that looked like a pie. A scholar who stood

    on his head. The eagle burrows into the center

    of the earth and gets stuck there, victim of gravity.

     

    But even after the militants destroy the statue

    tears of blood appear every morning under

    the empty pedestal. The poets with varicose veins

    pirouette around the fire. The fall foliage is so seductive

    in the glow. Dogs tap dance. Rearview mirrors reflect no past.

     

    Lighthouses broadcast koans. More flash photography.

    Temporary anathema. Mountains in the shapes

    of missed handshakes. All the rotten bodies. Take your

    boredom, sculpt a soulmate. You don’t know what’s hiding

    beside the theatrical highway you drove all night.

     

    To Remain Human

    When the song ends and the light hits you, fall on the floor

    and recall the way you laughed for hours the first time

    I held you. I told the artist about your smile,

    and he sketched the shadows under your eyes.

     

    The last ice cream I bought you was left behind

    on the bench for raccoons that never showed up.

    And then the rain went on into the next month,

    soaking the abstract paintings on the porch.

     

    And all the cushions are covered with pictures of houses.

    Humans spill out of their windows, roll down the slopes

    and into the sun. An eclipse is coming.

    Gestures turn to elegy in the dark.

  • Five Poems – Paula Bernett

    MONTH OF SUNDAYS, #31

    Thirty women appear in the portrait 
    because at the last minute Sunday #31, 
    naughty last-born child, 
    ducked under their wide skirts, 
    hid under cascades of  chintz, satin and chambray, 
    worsted, brilliantine, shantung, tricolette, 
    every fabric under the sun stitched 
    and gusseted as if such cosseting of the one 
    who even now advances;  
    as if such costumery in its wild dazzle  
    would dizzy the one  
    who even now comes closer;  
    hid under those warm wide skirts  
    of velveteen, taffeta, and worsted,  
    wrapped himself in mousseline and dotted swiss,  
    as if such swaddlings might save him, 
    #31, boychild among women  
    heating inside their magnificent textiles  
    they think might woo the one 
    who creeps ever nearer;  
    hid among drapes of boucle and matelasse, 
    organdie, velour and sateen 
    cascading from hourglass waists they pray 
    the one will close his hands around, 
    his eyes dropped shut, face pressed 
    into bodices stitched with hieroglyph 
    and eroticisms; hid there, 
    among billows of plisse and chiffon, 
    between crepes and cottons, the crush of crinoline  
    and rough linens they think might give him pause,  
    whose breath the child can feel on his bare toes  
    peeking beneath a hem 
    as the eye of the one who even now has come,  
    roves the row of women, and misses him.

     

    FINALLY, TO SAY HEART

    I dig one chamber, then another nearby. 
    I shovel the dirt from the first one into it.  

    Then I dig a third, and do the same,  
    and a fourth and a fifth and go on like this 
    the whole night long.  

    With the stars wheeling on broken axles and a gong  
    marking the hours.

    Swell with pride, broken, faint of, and absence makes  
    scribbled in red crayon, are crossed out in black.  

    More chambers to dig, each one filled with the dirt of another.

    I lay down my spade, my body, my raiment and sleep  
    beside the last chamber dug, beside the little pile of dirt ready  
    to fill the next.

    The shush of backwash through the faulty aortic valve,  
    the one-way gate into the left atrium damaged by old wars,  
    the hitching gait of the relentless stars.

    Blue pushes to red to blue again, from fire to quench to fire.  
    Finally, to say heart.

     

    PECCADILLO

    I will be your little sin— 
    a pebble skidded on, a knee skinned, 
    a hailstone spat from an errant cloud. 
    I’ll be the hint of furrow in your brow, 
    an evil wish deep-sixed, 
    an endearing gaffe. 
    But I won’t be incursion 
    without retreat, 
    nor the pinprick of mortal illness— 
    that gestation; 
    nor the long scar of incision 
    or the hitch of crippling. 
    I will live for the nip 
    in our last sweet kiss, the bloom 
    of blood on a tender lip.

     

    RANDOM ACCESS

    To wit!  
    A bee’s nest  
    in a junked Mercedes Benz.  
    How the bees got in –  
    one by one  
    through the windshield shatter 
    where the guy, the drunk,  
    the father sick at heart  
    plunged through.  
    Went off to death 
    with just that slap,  
    dispatched by the same god  
    who let the bees into  
    the wrecked Benz.  
    Small comfort,  
    that stingy buzz, 
    the stinging prayers of us, 
    our snub-nosed curse.

     

    YOUR DISEMBODIED VOICE, LACKING ITS BODY, 
    CANNOT LEAD ME TO WHERE YOU ARE.

    — for C.D. Wright, 1949-2016

    It sailed off lifted on a wind devil whirl that might have been 
    spun from a fit of grief furnaced by rage. 
    Went away just like that, the voice of your body leaving 
    a vacancy that began looking for itself, inside the vacancy 
    which is where you plunged, the first available vacancy 
    was good enough and you down there you drew the long coils of sentences 
    run on into amplitudes cut loose from the throat, bereft, down between 
    thumb and forefinger and around your left elbow. 
    I could follow you there hurriedly but then you fed the careful knotted skein 
    of cadence and pulse to the coals blown to brief flame 
    and thus rejoined and raised up you leapt away.

  • Five Poems – Olena Jennings

    KNIFE

    the knife to cut the beet 
    from the garden the red 
    dye against my skin 
    the shiny metal blade 
    your job is to wash 
    the knife your job 
    is to prevent me 
    from coming close 
    to the sharpness 

    we took on certain roles 
    in the house 
    you cut the meat 
    while I cut the vegetables 
    the stains were varied 
    yours a thin scarlet 
    and mine bleeding green 
    I later pulled a needle 
    through cloth 

    repeating colors 
    with thread 
    we hung the embroideries 
    on the walls 
    the colors fixed 
    we sat on the couch 
    as the colors watched 
    us move one of our hands 
    on top of the other’s 

    your hand was usually on top 
    we played 
    our roles 
    you walked through our hallways 
    the loudest 
    I resented your footsteps 
    while I walked 
    on my tiptoes 
    towards the front door 

    in the thicket 
    outside the house 
    you had the idea 
    to chop wood with the knife 
    so that it would become 
    dull 
    so that we wouldn’t 
    be tempted 
    to place it against skin

    then to reveal our scars 
    holding subway poles 
    the inside of our arms visible 
    showing off 
    the knife’s traces 
    red the knife 
    in your jean pocket 
    an unforgettable 
              shape

     

    THE POND OF HER

    The cattails in Humboldt Park almost sway, 
    but they are too heavy in their longing. 
    I am wearing her cut-offs 
    and the angora sweater from the rummage. 
    She taught me to shave my legs. 
    I could only live 
    by her definition of beauty. 

    She lives by matching accessories 
    purchased at Claire’s Boutique, 
    clear skin, 
    a C cup, 
    plucked eyebrows. 
    We’re nothing 
    alike. 

    The pond is too shallow for suicide. 
    I would often go alone, but sometimes 
    with her to watch the way her fingers 
    stroked the top of the cattail. 
    She would come close 
    to pulling it out 
    from its green stalk. 

    Close to the edge 
    of the park 
    we could hear tiny 
    voices from the swing sets. 
    The pond was near 
    a busy street 
    where not everyone avoided 

    the ducks who had left 
    their element and we cried. 
    Maybe we were sad 
    because it was like our own 
    suicides 
    would have been: 
    a sudden end to love.

     

    CEMETERY COFFEE

    Caffeine 
    sparks our imaginations. 
    Our thoughts rise 
    like we wanted our loved ones 
    to rise from the grave. 
    We are their children who walk barefoot, 
    leaving footprints in the brush. 
    Our hearts are their balloons. 
    They hold on by the strings 
    of arteries. 

    Coffee in the cemetery. 
    They would have wanted some, 
    with an extra dollop 
    of milk like coffee that we drank 
    in the church hall 
    from Styrofoam cups 
    when we still prayed 
    and saving the environment 
    meant turning off the light 
    when we left a room. 

    We drank coffee. The yellow 
    tablecloth was a pond 
    between us. My feet 
    were wet in our conversation. 
    She bought me gold jewelry, not realizing 
    that I would have preferred costume 
    even when I moved my hair 
    away to show off florescent pink earrings. 
    She didn’t know we were different. 
    But she was the one to drift away.

     

    COLOR

    a cool piece of silk 
    the soft protein 
    dropped in dissolved 
    alum a bridge 
    the yellow weld, the pink madder 
    the bright osage orange, the purple lac 
    the insect constructs 
    its house and it dissolves into color 
    influenced by acid, alkaline, copper, or iron 

    the reaction in the beaker 
    fizzes towards her 
    she has wanted to experience 
    this connection in her own life 
    to see her desire 
    bubble up above her skin 
    to look in the mirror 
    and see herself changed 
    color in her cheeks 

    swatches of silk 
    for her daughter’s high school science fair 
    the dyes were collected from the house 
    coffee grounds 
    rose petals 
    turmeric 
    their scents in the hot water 
    made her head spin 
    as her daughter waited for results 

    she pulled on her rubber gloves 
    to manipulate nature 
    the dye rinsed off like blood in water 
    when she cut her finger 
    chopping eggplant for your birthday 
    her hair all twisted up 
    and you open the box 
    with the silk scarf 
    lying quietly in color

     

    PAPER DOLLS 

    I am sick and I cut the parts that hurt larger. 
    The heart throbs. The room is getting stuffy, 
    but mother is afraid of opening the window. 
    The paper dolls float like snowflakes. 
    Weather finds its way inside. 
    She watches me with the glistening blades 
    of the scissors. The down has traveled 
    to the bottom of the comforter. 
    It isn’t warm anymore. My pills 
    are lined up on the nightstand, full moons. 
    I cut dresses and two-piece suits, fold them 
    over the bodies of the dolls. In the mirror 
    I see my mother’s face behind me. 
    She is ready with the cold compress, 
    ready with the thermometer. I am ready 
    with my fever. 

  • Five Poems – K. Eltinaé

    fulani blues

    I have a hard time telling mother
    she should get out and exercise
    so we talk about people she admires for hours.

    Fulan al fulani’s son married a girl
    he saw on his uncle’s wedding dvd.
    Took them three weeks to ask about the family,
    will you come for the wedding?

    Fulan al fulani’s son has a son now,
    named after his late father
    too much sugar in our blood, the heat, mosquitos
    take the best ones early
    What keeps you there… when here is better?

    She calls me after work excited
    has met a girl with dimples
    ready to start a family with a modest man
    willing to marry a stranger
    who barely lives with himself.

     

    dowry

    They do no milieu justice
    the rapturous things we learn to be true

    hanging like jasmine
    on a summer night.

    Resentful walls claim weight
    of legacies we assume not because

    time unearthed them but from the shame we fear
    the gossip of borders.

    We wait too long for dowries,
    for the sweat of strangers,

    to remember our own perfume.

     

    unconditional

    I choose the seat closest to the door
    in case someone steps off
    I can follow out and start a new life with.

    Instead I meet couples who are travelling
    who speak about ‘home’ and getting ‘back’
    to places I cross off the map.

    What if I told her my first kiss was on a staircase
    at school between classes, that I lost my balance
    and that each time love has felt that way?

    What if I told them I still walk around
    with imaginary djinns on my shoulders

    that weigh like shame from childhood
    that I bow my head to and offer things
    I have never had without asking?

    What if I dream of being met by a stranger
    who sees me in the way I cannot.

     

    suitor
    After I.A

    You sent her back
    because she ate like fire and bore no children.

    Because the world you were raised in
    taught you broken things were best returned.

    Do you think about how she is still moving through life
    like a paperweight, medicated for the hunger of longing

    thirsty for a ‘love that came after’
    you could never provide?

    She seldom talks about it.
    Just carries on loving

    in her broken way
    unfinished things,

    because after three divorces
    people think you are the problem.

    Not the society
    that asks a girl to find love
    where it can’t exist.

     

    madame

    I will always remember you in a nightgown
    moving in and out of marriages like an ebony ghost.

    My family lay out pictures from different years
    to explain evolution and destruction all at once.

    I am suddenly at the funeral of your first husband
    who died in his early twenties of an overdose

    and left you with a fortune you put to good use
    traveling the length of Europe with that mouth

    a nest of pearls that made men drunk
    the second disappeared so you started writing blank checks

    out of grief in his name until they caught you at the airport
    so when you married the lawyer who later left you everything

    you were ready to love the Arab banker
    who consoled you at his funeral

    who bought the matching suitcases you left at a friends’
    before his car went over a cliff almost a year later.

    In your cast, you signed for everything with your left hand
    later you moved back to Khartoum

    into a house bigger than your loneliness
    spent your last days a welcome guest at funerals

    a smiling moon
    that spun men into dust.